Greetings all,
Really wanted to title this post . . . 'who are you listening to when it comes to what age you should be having children, career/ baby/ finances blah blah blah??'
Maybe it's the school holidays with lazy mornings that i've noticed, all over the breakfast & morning shows, this debate . . . what age is right to have a baby?? What is more important first - career/ home/ money/ travel?? You can mix it up!! To save writing a full essay, we'll just assume 'right' = 'a suitable stage in your life' & you've met your baby making partner too. I genuinely wonder who want-to-be-mothers-one-day are actually talking to?? Is it their baby making partner, family, friends, colleagues, bosses, other mothers, themselves . . . versus listening to statistics, celebrities & what 'they' say?? In the words of the great Dr Phil - "who is 'they', did 'they' graduate from 'They' University??" When did we stop making decisions for ourselves exactly?? Talking to real people about their real experiences, not googling & comparing ourselves to statistics (so easily skewed to create a talking point) . . . about the most important thing you'll ever do - raise a human being!!
Apparently 'having a baby' rates very low on the list of things young women want in their life these days. Do these young women know fertility declines dramatically from the age of 27 & IVF is not a guaranteed 'back up'. No one ever seems to bring this up, biological clocks are ticking away, but everyone assumes it's after the age of 35 or 40 (Hollywood doesn't help this myth with older mothers making fertility look effortless.) Actress Melissa George was quoted as saying, after the breakup of her marriage & idea of meeting someone new + having a baby . . . "i still have time, i'm only 35." Age & fertility is one limit few can defy.
Apparently 'having a baby' rates very low on the list of things young women want in their life these days. Do these young women know fertility declines dramatically from the age of 27 & IVF is not a guaranteed 'back up'. No one ever seems to bring this up, biological clocks are ticking away, but everyone assumes it's after the age of 35 or 40 (Hollywood doesn't help this myth with older mothers making fertility look effortless.) Actress Melissa George was quoted as saying, after the breakup of her marriage & idea of meeting someone new + having a baby . . . "i still have time, i'm only 35." Age & fertility is one limit few can defy.
Please know i am all for people who decide not to have children, i believe it's a bigger decision not to have them, it's not at all selfish or whatever people think about childless-by-choice people. Good on you, you have a different quality of life.
I remember hearing magazine editor Deborah Thomas once saying "ooppss i forgot to have a baby" & i lost instant respect for her. How do you forget?? I was ambitious about a future career, wanted 4 children, a nice home, university education . . . a husband was on the 'life check list' too when i left school. Call me a naive giddy teenager, i knew from the moment i met my husband, he was my future . . . it was so natural to chat about babies, houses, hopes & dreams. I was playing it cool (i read Marie Claire, i knew not to appear desperate) . . . he raised these long-term-relationship topics, aged 22. We had a collective dozen nieces & nephews already, we knew what it took to have/ raise/ fund/ love a child. We are apparently in the small minority though - thinking, planning, wanting babies while we were really young.
I remember hearing magazine editor Deborah Thomas once saying "ooppss i forgot to have a baby" & i lost instant respect for her. How do you forget?? I was ambitious about a future career, wanted 4 children, a nice home, university education . . . a husband was on the 'life check list' too when i left school. Call me a naive giddy teenager, i knew from the moment i met my husband, he was my future . . . it was so natural to chat about babies, houses, hopes & dreams. I was playing it cool (i read Marie Claire, i knew not to appear desperate) . . . he raised these long-term-relationship topics, aged 22. We had a collective dozen nieces & nephews already, we knew what it took to have/ raise/ fund/ love a child. We are apparently in the small minority though - thinking, planning, wanting babies while we were really young.
What is financial security?? Who ever has enough money to afford a baby?? Most Australians live with a home ownership dream/ obsession, slipping a baby in the mix with the reduction/ pause to one salary, it's near impossible for most. So you've met your life partner, do you have a baby now versus the heartache & expense of potential fertility issues later?? I heard one journalist say only 2 of her friends had babies in their 20s, both accidents, yet both said it was the best thing that ever happened to them - accidentally starting their families. This journalist didn't mention that she struggled to have babies in her early 40s after years of IVF - was she listening to those friends or focussed on that news anchor position?? Especially since she insists, becoming a mother is her greatest role. Really?? Or did she work that out afterwards?? So many of us mummies will scream from the rooftops, being a mum is the best thing ever, career can pause & living in a modest home is happiness too.
I'm perhaps unqualified to discuss this subject as i was pregnant at 23, planned, i had just finished Uni & was married to a Lance Corporal (one rank up from Private soldier), we knew were never going to be rich with the 4 children plan, we struggled, but we loved every minute of it & made it work (cloth nappies, breastfeeding, homemade everything, minimal toys & zero takeaway/ holidays/ childcare/ new cars.) Sure the Army provide a reduced-market-rental roof over our heads so an immediate mortgage wasn't a financial pressure, but we saved to buy investment properties (when our first child was born & i worked full time in the oil industry) which kept us poor in the present, but set us up for a financial future. People are constantly saying to me "wish i had my children younger" for reasons of energy, expectations & mindset. Well yes, i was a 35 year old high school mum with energy to burn & remember high school vividly . . . i just spent Saturday night curled up with my teenager, watching movies & talking about love, marriage, hopes & dreams - but i am very much her mother, not her girlfriend.
How many couples look back, remembering the tiny first home with new babies & a broken down car, eating soup at a plastic table . . . & say it was the best time of their lives??!!
How many couples look back, remembering the tiny first home with new babies & a broken down car, eating soup at a plastic table . . . & say it was the best time of their lives??!!
Did you decide to go for it, have babies & just see where life took you?? What are you waiting for?? Love Posie
PS thank you so much for the gorgeous messages about my last post, they absolutely filled my heart with warmth & love. Our little chicken passed away before we went to bed last night, it was in the end, relief, in every aspect that the word 'relief' can be. Today i've had that cried-all-day-&-night headache, but my soul is lighter.
PS thank you so much for the gorgeous messages about my last post, they absolutely filled my heart with warmth & love. Our little chicken passed away before we went to bed last night, it was in the end, relief, in every aspect that the word 'relief' can be. Today i've had that cried-all-day-&-night headache, but my soul is lighter.
