social commentary Sunday . . . 'how did you cope with the holiday freeloaders??'

Greetings all,
So, Christmas holidays, did you host guests over the silly season??  Did they go off like fish after 3 days, or 3 hours??  Were you guilty of freeloading yourself??

I know you had guests, i saw the 'guest bedroom junk confession' posts in the run up to Christmas.  I avoid staying with other people, including family - i much prefer a hotel situation with their endless towels, hot water, bedding . . . & enjoy the privacy while we collapse & debrief "why is my family like this??" & "did you hear what your sister said??" . . . then regain composure before the next 'event' & psych the children up: to be better behaved than their cousins. 

We've stayed with my husband's best mate many times, happily sharing one guest bedroom between the six of us & he marvels at us, when his brother-in-law requires 3 rooms for 2 children??!!  We bring our own towels & bedding, very aware we're an additional 6 people, staying with a family of 3.  We also take gifts & provisions which would cover the cost of the hotel, so we're not freeloading, just transferring where we spend our cash.  I'm sure this is a basic etiquette rule, it should be.

Now both our parents still have our childhood family homes, we're always 'welcome' there, however, last time i spent one night with my father-in-law & brought food/ bedding/ gifts with me, to be least-impact-possible, i said "thanks so much for having us" he said "it was a huge effort".  Um, what now??  My children didn't break anything, use all the hot water, they were angelic, PLUS he had two other grandchildren there for the first 5 hours (no parent) so . . . i will never understand, other than grumpy-old-man exactly what the huge effort was, to see his 4 interstate grandchildren.  Why did i agree to stay there anyway??  Ah yes, i had to pick up our Christmas gifts, even though i posted theirs!!  I could have just visited him for a few hours & stayed at my parent's empty house on the other side of Sydney, anonymously??  Hindsight!!

 One friend hosted both her brother & sister, plus their families & pets this Christmas, but brilliantly high tailed it out of there for her own family getaway on Boxing Day, before the extended family had left.  Apparently her sister-in-law hides in the guestroom until 11a.m. & it brought back memories of that posh English lady who famously wrote her prospective daughter-in-law a letter saying 'when one is a guest at one's home, they rise when the family in residence rises for the day'.  Here here!!  Get with the programme guests.  At a hotel, this is avoided as you just meet for 'events' & not every, living, breathing, moment . . . where absenses are noted.     

We rarely host anyone, our current Army rental . . . we have 6 people in a 4 bedroom house, one child sleeps in a makeshift bedroom.  Our homestead plan - we are building a guest wing (sounds more gentrified than it is) for teenagers parties, sleepovers & guests.  My Navy wife mother sent me off into Army wife world with my eyes WIDE open, about bored neighbours, users & milkers.  Our last house in Darwin was brilliant, in a cul-de-sac with 22 children who came in & out of the garden, it was fun, friendly, easy.  But if it was turning into a babysitting situation with responsibility, i didn't feel quite so welcoming.  You may have met these children before - they whisper to your child to ask you if they can come over for a play, then dinner, throw in a sleepover & it's the entire weekend - often because their parents have instructed their child to do so, free babysitting.  Ask me straight up, in advance, i'd love to have your child, however, undermine me . . . goodbye.  I've gone to take a child home & they've said "my parents have gone fishing" . . . hardly popping to the shops, or this cracker, when asking a sleepover guest when to expect her parents she said "i guess after their plane lands, they went to an interstate wedding".  I had NO idea, i thought it was dinner, you know, in the same state.  What on earth if something happened to their child??!! 

I love my family & i love my friends, however, i don't push the limits & boundaries of the impact my family of 6 would be staying with them.  Relationships can be ruined.  Did you get stuck with freeloaders these holidays??  How did you manage it??  Have you/ will you/ can you recover??  My husband is furious his father would be so rude, especially as he sees our children a fraction of the time he sees the other 8 grandchildren.  Love Posie