why it's so totally Ok to dislike some bloggers

Greetings all,

Blogs are a melting pot of society - you are going to find the same nice/ happy/ boring/ aggressive/ creative/ sarcastic/ intelligent/ competitive people in the blogosphere as you do at work/ school/ family/ friendship circles.  Yet we're so judgey.  Is it because it's on line; you can be anonymous; or is everyone who blogs in your genre meant to be your potential friend??  Just like in real life, not everyone is going to be your cup of tea.  I've had blogs highly recommended to me & i've either completely misread the tone of the writing or abstract images, not liked them at all . . . next blog please.

For years i had a badge on this blog saying "i have power over social media, if i don't like what i'm reading, i click away."  MUCH easier than real life situations.  So why put ANY time & energy into ANY social media you don't like??  Click X.  Delete.  Move on.  Plenty of lovely other blogs to read.  

I've been in the work-from-home-mummy-designer-business for a dozen years.  I've been sucked in & sucked dry by people stealing my ideas/ products/ creations & using them in books/ shops/ classes.  I've had big stores not pay for stock they have sold, celebrities running galleries who 'forget' to pay my commissions & friends not pay for custom design products.  One client looked at every single fabric i had in stock, cross questioned me about popularity, then set up a mass production product range based on the market research she did 'over lunch at my house!!'  Silly me being so friendly.  She's since made a fortune.  I wonder if she feels dirty about how it started so deceptively??  You can stoop to begging for payment or recognition, take legal action, or let it go.  I have had a dozen cases of heart break during my business years, the big payments i hunted down (they had broken contractual agreements) & others i chalked up to their bad karma.  Any stolen idea is rarely executed better than the original. Can you believe some have since asked to be my friend on FaceBook.  How about 'decline'!!  I still have my dignity & memory.

 I've met hundreds of bloggers now & most live up to their persona, however, some are shockingly different - egomaniacal crazies plagued with insecurities, who are best avoided.  I go home & quietly disappear from their fan base.  Jealousy is rife, it can get bitchy & compared to high school.  The point is - we're adults now - if you read a blog you don't like, avoid it, some are cliquey, many are hype, seek out the ones you truly love as time is precious.  You're not stuck having lunch with these people every day in the playground!!  

I've been attacked on this blog for appearing "too together".  People who care, know my personal life is tough, with a soldier husband constantly deploying to war & Alzheimer's has erased my mother's memory of me.  These are not things i can control, fight, help or change.  As for raising 4 children & making it look easy: i embrace the large family life challenge & create a healthy mind space, while maintaining fair discipline with clear guidelines.  I put in the freaking hard yards when they were babies, we were so poor we couldn't afford to blow money on nappies, so i breastfed, made all their food from scratch, washed cloth nappies (ye olde square ones) & thoroughly deserve the wonderful family, goals achieved & aspirations we have today.  I don't care if you use disposable nappies, formula, jars of food, child care, takeaway . . . we are allowed to raise our children differently & still be friends.  I'll never understand people poo poo'ing the positive.

There are always going to be leaders in social media - be a follower, do your own thing, join them or look from afar, just don't be jealous or hate them, they might well deserve their popularity as they're interesting & innovative + been around for a long time.  You might grow to be become super popular one day too.  With blogging, intentions change - there aren't any rules or limitations - except the ones you impose on yourself. 

It's all in appearances - styled images?? - well personally i wouldn't publish a picture of my washing basket or dishes piled up by the sink as i'm house proud - those chores will be done soon enough, they're not blog worthy to me.  Oh look at Posie, she has a beautiful bunch of oriental lillies on her imported Italian dining table with a fancy bird feeder in the background & more Bison ceramics to show off.  Let me dissect this image for you: i bought the flowers myself, they were $5 a week ago from Aldi; the vase was a Christmas gift to myself as i spent yet another Summer with my husband fighting in Afghanistan; windows need washing; Army housing shitty rental accommodation vertical blinds; we have a tiny back garden so the chickens live down a side passage; the dining table was bought new on eBay from a wealthy family with twins in Coogee who sold it for $1K (value $10K) as they weren't able to have any more children; the awesome polyurethane chairs are now 10 years old & cracking, we can't afford to replace them, so when we have guests - we swap the chairs around so the children sit on them; our neighbours are literally 2m from where we eat dinner every night; the bird feeder was purchased from a market stall next to mine, years ago for a discount, my husband thinks it's stupid but i absolutely love it . . . see what i mean, the same flowers would be a completely different story on someone else's blog!!

No one knows what is truly going on in your life, you can blog just the happy parts or memories you wish to keep for your family, or your struggles which make you stronger.  Do i feel left out when popular bloggers are drinking & going to events - i can't metabolise alcohol & haven't had a drink since i was 19; my children go to twenty times more parties than i do each year, big events aren't really my thing right now - i live in Canberra, not Sydney/ Melbourne/ Brisbane where the action seems to be.  Doesn't mean i am jealous or write a nasty comment, suddenly turn & hate a blogger . . . i just think "good for them, it's their thing right now."  We've grown up, had some knocks & made a million different choices to get to where we are now in real life & on line, so don't let a blogger get you down . . . they might be outright boasting, have qualifications & experience backing them up, or celebrating a new something - important to them.  Me, i avoid the blogs who have let me down or drifted away from my interests - no venomous attack or anonymous nasty comments, cut the communication & move on.  The nasties have left my happy world & i'm much better off without them in my thoughts.  Just like in real life - you meet people you don't like - it's Ok to dislike some bloggers too.  Love Posie

social commentary Sunday . . . 'competitive blogging'

 Greetings all,
I check out a wide variety of blogs - i like parenting, design, style, fashion, cooking, health, exercise, vintage, renovating, gardening, farms, life . . . they all interest me.  Recently, I’ve noticed a few bloggers getting competitive about followers; making money; & attending blog conferences – with follow up advice posts on how to gain more followers, make more money & receive invitations to more events.  The information about pigeon holing or '5 key words', argh, just because you’re a mum - are you a “mummy blogger” - why can’t you be several types of blogger, posting on unlimited topics?? 

These conferences have left some bloggers feeling left out by either not being invited OR going along & not feeling like they fitted in.  Maybe I’m naïve or so out of the loop, but . . . isn’t blogging just meant to be fun??  Is it because some mega bloggers are making SERIOUS money with cook books, advertising & television shows, all from starting a blog . . . that everyone wants/ hopes/ competes to be the next big thing??  Has that changed the motivation & manipulation of blogging from the heart?? 

When i started blogging, i did 45 posts in my first 3 years.  I really didn’t think too much about it, other than a nice way to chat with other mums & designers.  I was home alone, my 4 children in school/ preschool, a husband away at war, living in Darwin . . . blogging was like my adult/ office chat.  Then in January last year my husband moved to Brisbane (we're in Canberra) & went back to war, it was time to pick up the blog & those connections again.  I put a 'follow' button on & had about 20 followers already (who knew??) & I started blogging more frequently, mainly so my husband could watch the children grow & see what we’re up to.  I’d promote markets I was attending, products & new stores I was stocking.  

Then offers to promote products (a freebie, post my thoughts & offer a giveaway) came my way.  All brands I buy/ use/ blog about for free anyway, like Lego, Disney, books & IKEA.  I’ve not drawn a salary for a decade, happy to have things I’d pay money for, sent for free, not wreaking of desperation.  So while I hum along with this type of blogging about my family, design work & sponsored giveaways + an exciting number of followers (hello lovely people) . . . still, i have never been invited to a blog conference or meet up.  It doesn’t faze me, I’m a ‘here & now’ kind of person, passing in many opportunities with interviews, magazines & collaborations due to the fact I have children (zero babysitter); my husband can’t have his photo published (waste of handsomeness);  I live in rental Army housing (not a gorgeous home filled with colour & interior design); I live in Canberra (hardly a hub of blog conference activity) . . . yet I don’t feel left out, unpopular or like I’m missing out, it’s just not my time, I’m patient, if I want those opportunities when my children are older/ my husband has retired/ I’m in our homestead filled with colour; I’m available to travel interstate – sure, maybe then.

What are people’s bloggie motives??  I heard on the grapevine at a NuffNang conference a person who didn’t even have a blog yet, asked, out loud “so if I start a blog & get 50 000 hits a month, how much money will you pay me to advertise with you”.  OMG, seriously, are you Oprah??  I openly have on my side bar “I dabble in blog advertising” but i prefer to save my promotions for my own business – the financial return is a whole lot better than some ‘click through rate’ which adds up to cents - blog advertising is a very slow way to make an income.  

Are there still bloggers out there who blog from the heart as they have something genuine to say, blog as therapy, post to keep in touch with real friends, honestly don’t care about hits or followers??  Can you gain true self confidence from on line popularity??  I wonder if I went back & did my psych degree now, how much influence social media would play in the subject content of . . . the number one human emotion . . . acceptance??  Is social media the right place to get this satisfaction?? 

I rarely bother with FaceBook myself (i don't understand Twitter) & won't allow my children to have it.  I recently had a hot chocolate with a gorgeous mummy who has older girls at my eldest's high school & she grabbed my attention with this enormous statement "my daughters waste so much time on FaceBook, they will post something & can barely sleep until it's been validated by a dozen other people".  Oh move over body issues, this is what is worrying our teenage girls, validation on social media!! 
Now the point of this post is really not to bash competitive blogging, all power to you if you have the time, but . . . 'we can smell it' & don't be sneaky about advertorials or edvertorials, we're smart enough to tell the difference, disclaimers or not.  Perhaps take a step back & consider what really counts, social media & on line personas, genuine blogging - as i think your precious followers will start leaving if you become yet another advertising blog & to nurture those friends & family in the real world.  

Is this something you've noticed too??  Are you still true to what you set out to do with your blog??  If you have children, are they watching you count on social media for attention or validation??  I'm quite interested to know, considering i have two giveaways this week.  Happy weeks everyone, love Posie