social commentary Sunday . . . 'knowing when to take a break from blogging'

Greetings all, 

My blogging journey has come to a stop-start-halt lately, i've just lost the passion, enjoyment & time for it.  While i started my blog 6 years ago & blogged regularly during 2010 to 2012 while my husband lived interstate, sharing 'our life' with him . . . i'm finding less & less time to post about craft, lifestyle, animals, baking, children, my husband & our happiness.  

My studio is only working on large commissions, not pretty blog-worthy-craft; i'm spending many more hours in the garden, tending to animals, exercising & preparing healthy meals, less blog-worthy-cakes; the children are growing fast, i am not missing a minute & considering next year we'll have three teenagers - it's incredibly busy with sports, academics & their social engagements, i'm not comfortable posting lots of images of teenagers, especially as they are not allowed their own social media; my husband is here & being a wife takes up a lot of time, i'd prefer his company than reading blogs . . . as for our happiness, we've never been happier, with exciting dreams.  Spending less time on the computer is a good example to our children too.  

I've been using my non-blogging-time making more calls to my elderly parents, catching up with people who bring me joy & soaking in the lucky life i have as a housewife.  I refuse to be 'busy' as it implies i don't have time for the things i love.  I still adore the idea of a blog & the blogging community is lovely; trolls - their loss, i click delete & refuse to engage with them, absolutely not worth a second thought; stalkers - go get a life, especially the ones who know me personally, it's creepy you read my posts (& pretend you don't) yet don't communicate with me directly!!

So it's for positive reasons that i am taking a break from blogging.  I want to offer the world quality or nothing, i won't blog for the sake of blogging.  I'll be hanging around on Instagram, which is so much fun, friendly, engaging & fast . . . i find it like mini-speed-blogging.  While blogging has been a wonderful adventure with 700 posts, 15000 comments & 2000 hits per day, if i was paid to blog - i'd reconsider taking a break, i just can't maintain 'free' work - yes, 'work' . . . i put great consideration/ thought/ ideas/ effort into my posts: an extension of my business & the personality behind it . . . i'm closing down the on line store & no longer attend markets, as i'm starting a new chapter in my creative life.  Stay tuned. 

 I'd love to be invited to blog conferences . . . i have great ideas & lots of inspiration to offer; i'd love to be given freebies & opportunities . . . i do fantastic & thoughtful reviews; i'd love to sit in a particular niche . . . but i don't . . . no babies (our youngest is 9) or live in the cities where the events take place, so i'll hum along doing my own thing.  While i've always been popular & social, i really enjoy my own company & avoid cliques at all costs.  Blogging has changed a lot over the years with awards, sponsorship & obvious circles, a lot is self-congratulatory & below average quality.  It wasn't my end-game to make money from blogging - i started as i had my own home-design-studio business to promote & make money from - i was never 'discovered' (even with 10000 social media followers) & that's Ok.  Maybe, one day??

Just to wrap up a few things, like my last giveaway & ensuring i organise all pervious giveaway winners receive their prizes (apologies for the delay) the lucky people who won the LEGO Hero Factory packs are:

Claire Hewitt of Clairey Hewitt blog,

Sash of Indigo Elephant blog &

Beck from Baby Laila blog.

Congratulations.  Please email me your delivery (street address for courier) for delivery. 

 Thanks everyone - it has truly been a wonderful experience, i appreciate all your comments & connections.  This isn't good bye or farewell, just a see you later for now.  I feel it's really important if you know your blogging journey is stalling, that you take a break.  It might be Christmas time before i blog again, but i will be back, renewed & thoroughly reinspired, love Posie

PS all images are recent snap shots from my Instagram account Posie Shoots with lots of stories & gorgeous engagement, you'll see why i completely adore this social media platform!!

social commentary Sunday . . . 'just enjoy YOUR life'

Greetings all,

I was going to do a social commentary on why are we so quick to get angry, hate & judge people we don't even know, other than how the media portrays them or they are classic celebrity disasters . . . i just can't get in the negative mood . . . so i'm just doing a post on 'just enjoy YOUR life.'  You get one life right, so why not just embrace what you have, adore who is around you, indulge mostly your needs . . . with a sprinkle of wants.

 How could i possibly get all bent out of shape when my day started with sweet fresh strawberries from the Farmer's Markets . . . 

 i have pink Stock prettiness on the dining table . . .

 my husband made butter to spread on delictable Italian bread . . . 

& we added a new chicken to our flock, a stunning Australian x Indian Game bird.  We planned to go with Indian Games as our table bird (meat) for when we have a farm, so to find one at the markets was a kick start to loving this breed.  I think i impressed the farmer with my knowledge too.  She is not pretty enough to show (not that we had planned to put her in pageants) but was ugly enough for a discount (imperfect beak.)  Like i said on Instagram, we love an under dog.  Welcome the enormousTrombone.

On to other blissful things . . . working through the 30 Days of Braids eBook with Hair Romance & loving every style.  Today we tried the French Side Sweep Braid, which i need to work more on sweeping, rather than swirling.  A happy 11 year old regardless.

 To wrap up the weekend, we took a drive to the country, that's about 10 minutes in any direction from Canberra, a very regional bush capital city . . . & spied some gorgeous properties (not all for sale) but farm-ideas-building.  No one in this family needs convincing that country life is the way to go for us.   

 So folks, just enjoy your life, it's so easy to make changes for good - focus on the positive & don't get bogged down by the negativity in the world which is so largely irrelevant to your own personal life.  Everything here was under $10 each - the strawberries, flowers, butter & eBook, except the discounted $25 chicken.  Money makes life easier yes, however it doesn't bring you happiness . . . you need to seek that out in every corner of your world, often in places you least expect it.  We never knew chickens would be so awesome, making our own butter would taste so good, or that i could do fancy braids in my daughters' hair.  We are planning a farm & a wholesome country life, yet are still living in suburban Army housing - that's not going to stop up practising how we want to live in the future, now.  Just open your heart & these good things will happen too, making the lovely out of the every-day-simple-needs.  Love Posie

social commentary Sunday . . . 'sex explosion - like it's new or something'

Greetings all,

Sex sells, we get it!!  Sex is plastered all over advertising, media, lyrics & television shows, for our children to see & ask wonderful peak hour traffic questions like "do you want longer lasting sex too, Mum??" as you pass those erectile dysfunction billboards.  Um, why are they Ok??  Surely if you were suffering from penile flaccidity, you'd go home & google help, not need a giant public announcement to prompt you??  I explain the science to my children, then the old "this is not for discussion outside the family" so they don't repeat it for Show&Tell with their class.  I posted on this topic 2 years ago here, now i have a teenager & trust me folks, there is always some misinformed child in the playground with older siblings talking about sex, incorrectly, i'd just rather my children know the facts!!  I also believe sex education is VERY different to sexual relationship information.  Not sure if sex reference laws have been relaxed in the media, but everyone seems to be carrying on like sex is a new fad!!       

Olympic Poster of the Day: Paris France 1924.

Olympic Message: celebrate athletes in their finest physical form, 1920's muscle-porn-style.

I've just spent the last week flat on my back with a cold, unable to kiss & breath at the same time, it's been a below-average-sex-week in our boudoir.  This morning i leapt out from under the covers giggling to my husband "get your naked penis away from me" only to find our middle daughter standing at the end of our bed saying "that was awkward, next time i'll knock!!"  I was gasping for air in a coughing fit, fully pyjama'ed.  Anyway, i've been watching the evening Olympics suffering the commentary on channel 9 (FYI Channel 9 Olympics Coverage Sucks on Facebook has 28000 'likes'.)  Many low points . . .  including a male commentator joking that our female swimmers were reading 50 Shades of Grey to help them sleep.  Female swimmers are mostly teenagers - is this where they are getting sexual relationship information from??  Sexual innuendo during swimming commentary is repulsive.  The only juices that book evokes . . . is my vomit reflex & it doesn't need any more publicity, especially not to children watching Olympic swimming.  A book with questionable ethics, sexual practises, weak female characters & men with the power??      

I've been catching up on blog reading & have noticed plenty of anti 50 Shades of Grey book reviews & bloggers wishing they could get their wasted-reading-hours back.  I had a hunch the book would suck & avoided it . . . one woman's erotic literature is very unlikely to be mine.  Accidental Housewife wrote a fabulously damning review here.  While i'm no prude, when you marry your teen love, your list of sexual partners is low, my children have already asked me how many people i've had sex with & how many dates i went on with Daddy before i slept with him . . . prompted by some subconscious message in the universe i can't control.  When my first born was 2 she asked HOW did those twins get in my belly, so i knew i was going to have to approach sex talk with my children, honestly & openly.  FYI i did not explain penetrative sex to a toddler, instead the sperm & egg version, which she thought sounded like cooking, excellent!!  I figure, sex is fun, it's how we made our children, it shouldn't be a taboo, mysterious OR naughty topic when they ask about it.  Gawd, if you want to encourage promiscuity - miseducate your daughters about sex so they find out the hard way - which rarely benefits them or their reputation.

This leads me to boys & porn.  Seriously parents, talk about sex & relationships to your sons, do you really want them learning how to treat a girl from porn movies??  I honestly believe, as my daughters get older, i'll be doing damage control & telling them what is not Ok, you can say NO; as opposed to all the fun, good, healthy things about sex.  Children need real accounts of sexual relationships - from an adult they respect - not a book, your church, their peers or porn media.  My eldest asked me a sex related question the other day & i answered the same way i would any intelligent person, then asked her if she understood & if it was awkward.  She replied "Mum, you're so open, there are no awkward moments with you!!"  I'd rather her hear it from me than misinformed peers, or both, so she can form her own balanced opinion.               

I'm done with prime time shows like How I Met Your Mother & The Big Bang Theory as they are so over-the-top saturated with sex & how-to-bag-a-girl . . . the message it's sending the big ears on our little children is all wrong.  Especially our daughters!!  Ok so it's a balance/ warning & conversation starter, i actually appreciate that my children are comfortable enough to ask what some thinly veiled innuendo means - often i respond with "it's about sex, not appropriate for your age" & by not making a fuss, they don't either.  

Are you comfortable about discussing sex with your own children??  What do you say when "football players have group sex with girl" comes up on the news, or the horror of pedophiles??  Clearly it's all very uninvited to our lives, but it's there & we need to cope with it & arm our children to make healthy positive choices.  Love Posie

social commentary Sunday . . . 'where has the blog love gone??'

Greetings all,

Gosh, what has happened to blogging lately??  I've been chatting to some fellow bloggers off line & we've noticed a shift in blog happiness.  There are fewer friendly blog awards around; a decline in comments/ posts/ link ups + the reaction against people monetorising their blogs or scoring a paid gig on a forum group site - geesh, i thought the working mother debate was fierce enough - earning money off your blog is the new 'thing' to attack.

How about we turn it around??  Today!!

I don't care if you started your blog as a personal diary or business pursuit, i'll read when it interests me (& always comment) or if i disagree about something because . . . 

i don't drink alcohol, 

i am a full time mother, 

i don't like coffee, 

i loathe smokers, 

i disagree with junk food, 

i am not religious, 

i don't have depression, 

i still struggle with crochet,

i can't afford to flit off to Europe,

i'm discouraged by swearing, 

i dislike wives complaining about husbands, 

i feel icky about social-media-climbers, 

i can't bare whiners 

& a string of my own personal judgemental/ preference/ health issues . . .

i click away & move on with my life!!  I don't leave some horrendous-bitchy-nasty-hatefilled-personal attack comment!!  If i'm going to disagree with a point of view, i ensure i have a learned reason, it's never 'i disagree & now i hate you' especially on personal blogs.  Those bloggers are baring their souls & reaching out, that is so brave!!  Sure if you're going to venture beyond 'vanilla blogging' as Edenland calls it, you're going to get more than people's 2 cents worth of opinion, but that can still be filled with love & care, why the negativity & vitriol??  

We are real people, with ideas & feelings, putting it out there . . . many bloggers simply disappear into the ether after a heinous comment or attack . . . that is crushing to think some anonymous troll has such power over you & your happy place - so many of us blog as therapy & our blogs are our happy place. 

 So grab a button or make your own up, let's get blogging back to where it used to be.  Sure i've written posts about competitive blogging & jaded blogging, here, on my own blog with my own opinion, NOT on the blogs of the people who i was generalising about.  Just because you do drink, smoke, eat junk, work, believe in God, swear or whinge, doesn't mean i don't like you blog because you're different to me - one post does not make me judge a blogger!!  
I mention depression as a non blogger asked me "don't you have to have depression or something to complain about as an angle on your blog??"  Ouch, she was corrected, promptly.  I don't have depression nor understand it, however, if blogging helps you, that's wonderful, it's just unlikely i can add a helpful comment to your post about that topic.  Ditto for other issues like special needs children or a physical injury - but hello to my carpal tunnel syndrome readers!!  We have a great sense of community here in blogland.    

I don't care what product you promote in a post & if you're making cash from it . . . good for you.  I personally don't dig the blogs who end up looking like the back-of-magazine-advertising pages filled with flashing ads, they are so distracting & kind of . . . no longer a blog anyway.  But if you do the odd paid post here & there, brilliant, they are informative & the voice of a real person, someone i 'know' & trust.  Most have a reader giveaway - i've won dozens of product giveaway prizes, from simply entering cheerfully. 

If you run a blog off your business, it's very likely i found your business first, then realised there is an ace blog attached.  Tessa from Down That Little Lane is a great example & recently posted on being 'amused by pompous, slaggy abusers' taking it with a grain of salt.  Their loss, as her blog & business are delightful. Tina Gray {dot} Me wrote a beautiful post on forming blog alliances, what a lovely idea for those starting out, or even established bloggers, like a warm blanket.  I would be careful who you pick & reassess, as i've seen informal versions crumble as one blogger has reached great heights (read: income from blogging) much to the jealousy of others in the 'group', guess what, the anonymous negative comments came pouring in.  Blah!!  

Now this is not for journalists & professional writers who write posts to bait comment, indifference & ferocious debate, they're paid to get under our skin & evoke a response.  This is for your fellow, humble, honest, real person blogger.  Who's with me??  Bring back the love & positivity with happiness & support, love Posie

social commentary Sunday . . . 'the primary school merit award system'

Greetings all,

Ah yes, that old chestnut, merit awards in primary school.  I started school in 1980 & as a smart, sporty, social student, i brought home my fair share of merit cards (we just found dozens of them in the garage tidy up!!)  For senior primary, i headed to private school & frivilous awards dried up. 

  Many a parent has sat at assembly, anxiously waiting for their child to be called up to receive a well earned merit certificate/ class award/ citizen prize . . . & nothing.  Worse, the naughty child who teases others - had one good day of behaviour or finally studied for a test - their name is called.  I have smart, sporty & social children, so i kind of expect the odd award to come home with them.  Alas . . . 

Criss crossing Australia with 4 children, we have used 9 different pre/ primary/ high schools - Montessori, public, indigenous, private - they are all inconsistent with their merit awards system.  Bringing an apple for the teacher is not going to result in any extra credit, most are terrified of being accused of bias!!

When our eldest started primary school in NSW, assemblies went for ages as an abundance of merit certificates were handed out (for fair reasons) - when you got 10, you received a Blue Honour Award & your family was invited to morning tea with the Principal.  We were only there for one year, by golly she got her Blue Honour & it was as important as the Order of Australia & high tea with the Queen, to all of us. 

My children attended a small NT indigenous primary school where merit awards were given as incentives with lots of encouragement certificates & i'm sure they went through the roll so everyone had a turn.  

Welcome to primary school in the ACT, smothered in public service & 'you're all winners' mentality.  Now i love our school (we drive a long way to get there) & this of course, is my opinion & a generalisation but GOOD LORD what do you have to do to get a merit certificate??  They give 2 per class, per assembly (4 assemblies per term!!)  Is it such agony for them to pick recipients??  Heaven forbid, recognising one child is better at something, than another??  I joke that it's a miracle they hand out sports ribbons for fear of identifying success.   

We're in our 5th year at this primary school (remember my husband posted to Brisbane on his own) so this is rare for a military family.  Our 4 children move seamlessly from school to school, from state to territory, yet the merit system is so out of whack, it's difficult to explain.  Our best academic performer is our middle daughter, she also happens to be polite, perfect posture & immaculate hair, uniform, homework . . . how many merit awards has she received??  One.  Well one at the time, i was asking another mother with bright nice children at assembly a fortnight ago, if her boys ever received awards . . . she rolled her eyes & said "oh don't you get it, if your child gets an award at this school, it basically means they are struggling!!"  That assembly, our middle girl received her 2nd award, from her teacher (new to the school) & shock it was for academic achievement!!

I love high school, their academic assemblies are once per semester & each class is given an award for best effort & best achievement.  Simple.  Worthy.  I'm extremely proud that our eldest daughter has received an award(s) at every assembly so far (this semester she's a possible Religious Education winner, hilarious for her atheist mother.)  

I can never guess who, what, why or when a primary school award is coming our way, can you??  Love Posie

PS with reference to my last post, i asked handsome soldier if i could proof read this post out loud to him & he responded "do i have a choice??"  Tee hee.

PPS the silver apple in the image was a gift for our beautiful & beloved out going primary school principal who appreciated my honest opinions (really.)

social commentary Sunday . . . 'what does your husband get up to when you go away??'

Greetings all,

I just spent a great weekend with the Sew It Together girls, who came from all over Australia to my current home town of Canberra (last year Sydney, year before Melbourne, next year??)  There was a lot of talk on what our husbands were getting up to while we were crafting ourselves silly.  Many men were taking the children to the grandparents or McDonalds.  Granted i was coming home to my husband late at night, he does a great job in my absence - especially cooking for the family.  

 On my way home from dropping a bunch of ladies at the airport, after the final craft session of Sew It Together, i rang my husband & said i had a headache, felt tired & hungry . . . a little pathetic, exhausted from too much shopping, classes, chatter & craft, woe is me.  I came home to 4 happy children, washing done & put away + my husband putting a batch of Women's Weekly 1960's scones in the oven.  While i laid on the lounge with an icepack pressed into my head, i rested to the sound of the mixmaster whipping cream.  Life is tough.

 My husband finds cooking relaxing & thought a strong Thai green chicken curry might help my headache . . . presented with perfect mounds of rice.  This photo doesn't do it justice although he was very happy for me to photograph & blog about his heroic rice moulding efforts.  We don't dull the spicy flavour for the children either, they just drink more milk & water while they chow down. 

 Just as i thought the cooking & baking was finished, handsome soldier fancied 'a snack with flavour' which included icecream . . . so grabbed My Grandma's Kitchen for a Margaret Fulton Saucy Chocolate Pudding recipe . . . as i type, it's bubbling away in the oven.   

Special mention to our Hamburg hen who laid that whopping egg this afternoon.

This isn't novelty helping out around the house because he's lived interstate/ overseas for 2.5 years or the children are older/ more capable, he just does these things to help & it would have been the same 5 years ago with younger children too.  I know i got lucky - he was raised by very dominant women.  No take away for our children, not when they have this amazing cook of a father.  Funnily enough, drill-sergeant-dad gets the children to complete more chores than i do too.  I half expected to find them standing by their beds for inspection when i got home.  I have to stop thinking it-would-be-quicker-to-just-do-this-myself when children drag their feet, it is so fantastic to share the responsibilities of parenting - with someone so capable.  Oh & have a fabulous weekend off too - i truly feel spoilt!!  

When was the last time your husband was home alone to make all the parenting decisions, meals & housework??  For so many of us mothers, this is not a-weekend-away-on-a-whim, it takes months of planning, penny pinching, preparing, convincing & instructions.  Last time i did anything like this was Sew It Together last year, before that . . . um . . . cannot even remember.  Shall post more about my purchases, classes, creativity & lucky door prize shortly, love Posie

social commentary Sunday . . . 'quirky marriages'

Greetings all,

Handsome soldier is back from war so why am i blogging when i should be ravishing him??  Because he's gone.  Just like that, home to Canberra for a couple of days to buy a brand new family car & a dapper new suit for an upcoming wedding, blink & he's off again . . . for a week of 'decompression' at his unit in Brisbane.  If you saw the homecoming parades & soldiers in Townsville on the weekend news, he was in Afghanistan with them. 
You read a lot of about marriages in blog land . . . intense, loving, romantic, turbulent, violent, lost . . . but most often, quirky.  There are celebrity marriages where famous couples live apart - for the considerably creative genius, sharing their life full time with someone might never work . . . & then there is my marriage, filled with quirks & living apart for 4 years as Army life suddenly clashed with our eldest starting high school - our 9th school, it was time for educational stability.  The situation is functional, we miss each other like crazy, raising children solo is no picnic & they miss Daddy + he's deployed to Afghanistan twice during this posting to Brisbane so he's not even in Australia, however, we've decided to settle here in Canberra where my husband can afford to semi retire in his mid 40s & raise those teenagers with me (we consider that the business end of parenting.)  Our eyes are firmly on the prize, the bigger picture.  
I know we're not alone - there are zillions of couples living apart, most often the husband for his work & i believe it's the quirks in the relationship which keep it alive & thriving.  We rarely argue - people either don't believe us or consider it incredibly boring; i'm feisty & he's a man of integrity; basically i'm no door mat & he's not an arsehole, we just get along really well.  He's my best friend in the world, very easy to stay in love with.  We compliment each other.  On all the big life decisions . . . like him joining the Army, us getting married, when to have babies, what to name the babies, how to raise the babies, buying properties/ cars/ holidays, deaths in the family, moving interstate, which family to have Christmas with - we come to natural agreements.  We talk, actually i talk, he listens, his few words to my 100 are meaningful & worthwhile, however, if we really don't agree on something, even early on in our relationship, i let things go, agree to disagree - we fight fair, stay on point, it's clean.  
Sometimes i think it's because my husband has a dangerous job, i like home to be calm, no petty debate on insignificant things.  I don't do drama.  We laugh a lot.  We have history; private jokes; silly ways of doing things; ridiculous names & pronunciations for regular things; we stress about different things & support each other during those times.  We do not compete & know our roles - while cooking, i'm his kitchen hand; while shopping, he carries the bags; working on the car, i'm his apprentice; while decorating, he is the tall person who hang things where i point to.  He tricks me & jumps out at me in the dark (i scream, the children yell "go to sleep") & he eats half of my dessert without me noticing; then he does kind things, like making a heat pack & hot chocolate when i have cramps.  Heart of gold that boy.  He convinces me to watch action movies under the guise "it's a love story" & i'll find a way to cry.     
The Army sends out pamphlets on 'awkward sex' & other 'issues' which can occur after separation . . . i say 'forget it, why waste time with weird'.  I just giggle & say "OMG, i've forgotten how to have sex" & make it fun, rather than intense romantic pressure from the get go.  My trick is that i have an amnesty, where he cannot complain about anything i might have changed/ purchased/ damaged or moved around the house/ car/ garden/ lifestyle, for the first 3 days he's home.  If he starts to say something like "Jesus is that a new scratch on the car" . . . i get an extra day of amnesty.  In that time, he might glare longingly at something like an antique trunk & i have time to fix the situation (read: shove trunk in the garage & disguise as storage) before it's an issue.  It works brilliantly, like a mind game, no feelings harmed.  This is why he's being so good about the chickens, i'm still on my amnesty!! 
Now along with the i-love-you groceries, he also came home to gifts, new pyjamas, ugg boots & cook books.  Neat distraction from the fact he no longer has any shelf or hanging space in the walk-in-robe (because he hasn't lived here for so long) or any Winter clothes.  The first morning home, he drove us around town in pyjama pants as i'd washed his only decent jeans which he wore off the plane.  That's another quirk, my love for cleaning, even the children call the washing machine 'my boyfriend' & i constantly wash up utensils while my husband is still cooking with them.  Drives him nuts, but it annoys me how he wears a tea towel over his shoulder instead of just using the one hanging, as it's never there when i go to use it.  Do i get angry, never, i'm just thrilled he's home.   

What are the quirky habits which keep your relationship alive??  We have resisted pet names for each other & i can't call him at work with silly messages, so our quirks are all at home, with the side benefit of embarrassing our children.  Love Posie 

social commentary Sunday . . . 'the sleepover check list & . . . police check'

Greetings all,

This is a post on the old . . . is my child old enough/ do i know the family well enough . . . for a sleepover topic.  Sleepovers with friends were our first children-away-for-the-night experience.  I always covered the basics & ran a police check in my head - do i know the parents well, have they ever mentioned a spell in prison, drink driving, neighbours running a meth lab, a savage dog, a creepy uncle & what is the general vibe.  I have to admit, generally i have known the family for years first & i'd much rather children come to my house than mine to theirs.  

One dear friend of mine, who i'd rate as completely normal, would say things like "i always invite children here, you might notice my children have never gone to a sleepover, not worth the risk" . . . ironically while handing out slumber party invitations!!  She'd offer a full run down of the night's schedule, guest list & contact numbers, very thorough . . . i was waiting to sign an indemnity contract from her solicitor (giggles) but i liked it, she put you at ease that it was a well supervised event.    

I will admit, i have skirted around & avoided many sleepover invitations if it doesn't feel right.  A party i was considering years ago . . . i commented to the mother "oh, you're brave, 12 x 8 year old girls" & she replied jovially "oh, we'll just leave a couple of DVDs for them & go out for dinner".  I quickly burned that invitation & told my daughter she wasn't going to the party - to my surprise she said the party girl was "a bit weird anyway" - instincts!!  Warning: just as a conversation starter when you RSVP, ask if the parents are actually going to be there too!!     

So on Friday night when my 10 year old twins trotted off to a sleepover with 10 other school friends, i had not met the parents before, so i chatted away to get a vibe: the father was military police, the daughter is an only child, they're about to move interstate . . . the other much-more-wary-than-me-parents were letting their girls stay too, i felt Ok with this & didn't use my 'we have something early on in the morning, i'll collect them at 9 tonight' emergency excuse. 

So when i collected the girls & my middle daughter proceeded to burst open her lolly bag of Skittles which sprayed all over the car (we'd never eaten Skittles before, they are revolting but easy to vacuum up) they gave me a run down of the night, from eating pizza & braiding each other's hair to watching Sex And The City.  Sorry what now??  I asked calmly "what did you think of that show" & my 3rd daughter said "it was a bit boring, didn't really understand it, so we watched The Ugly Truth instead".  Great, another M-rated-sex-based-movie!!  I don't mind my children watching an M movie on occasion, with me, so i can say "that's not appropriate for you" or um, "Samantha Jones has enough sex for everyone in the world."  You know, control the situation, like when your child asks "do you want longer lasting sex??" from the billboard on the highway.  I'm pretty aware of what children are exposed to on the radio, television ads & primary school playground chatter, so i set them straight about what they heard - so they don't use words like "threesome, wanker & orgasm" in class.  You can't control your own environment anymore - pull up along side a car blasting "bitch rape" rap lyrics & playing porn on an in-car-screen??  You can't walk about with ear muffs & blind folds on your children.  I find the most offensive language is actually heard walking behind teenagers at a shopping centre!!    

Anyway, back to my children . . . when my husband Skyped in & asked how the party went, i told him what the girls had seen & he said "Jennieeeeeee, no, you don't know this family."  He of course is right, no matter how annoying & correct his parenting is from the other side of the world.  Even a seasoned primary school parent like me gets it wrong.  I love that my daughters told me so openly, as i know many of their friends will keep it a secret & possibly be having nightmares about Samantha doing things their mother has never mentioned about sex!!  What i found MOST disappointing about the whole issue was - one sweet girl piped up bravely & said "i don't think i'm allowed to watch this" & the birthday girl said "i know, let's take a vote, that you go to sleep & we watch it".  That was downright nasty.  I told my daughters that it was a great opportunity for them to step up & say "i agree, i don't think we should watch it or exclude anyone at a party" & bless them, they agreed they should have.  

Ever had a party hiccup like this before??  Found yourself explaining to your 10 year olds that Samantha "must have been a gymnast" at 9a.m. on a Saturday morning??  FYI the MP husband - he was asleep, on slumber-party-movie-police-duty!!  Love Posie

PS just in case you've never seen Sex And The City (movies or series) Samantha Jones is the fabulous & feisty tall blonde PR guru who has sex with an average of 3 guys each episode - it's rarely bedroom sex either, often some entertaining twist (balcony, desk, wardrobe with lots of boobage) & always explained in detail to her girlfriends the following day over lunch, just in case you missed it visually.  The Ugly Truth is basically a movie about how men get women into bed.  

social commentary Sunday . . . 'the jaded blogger'

Greetings all,

Have you noticed a little pity party around blogland??  I get . . . 'it's my blog i can do/ say/ post what i want' . . . however lately, some posts are beyond venting, it is whinge-filled jaded blogging.  It might be a gorgeous blogger having a bad day with a 'woe is me' post & it takes guts to show your green emotions - jealousy, envy . . . but some are pure the-blogging-world-is-against-me.    

Jaded blogging can range from not feeling welcome at a blog conference to not being nominated for blog competitions.  I might sound jaded myself by saying i'm over the 'vote for me' requests for various writer & blog awards (with cash prizes, flights, status & exposure) as i've never been nominated/ entered in any such competition . . . i don't mind, i'm happy where i sit in the blogosphere.  Acceptance is the basic human desire, such events can strike a divide, who is hot & which blog is not, ouch.  It bruises egos, even cyber ones. 

Then there is the PR sponsorship debate - do we charge for it, or are we so flattered a company found us/ offered a product to trial/ giveaway/ promote, we're so excited - we do it for free??  I originally started my blog as an extension of my business 5+ years ago, but since my husband moved interstate & overseas to live (in January 2010) + i started to shut my business down - i genuinely blog for him, it's just heart warming readers are with us.  When sponsorship opportunities come along, i accept some of them, i want to charge a fee, however my blog was never intended to be a money making tool - such options barely existed when i started & i always made more money promoting myself.

    However, there now seems to be a sense of entitlement, people starting a blog from scratch (no fame/ brand/ book/ personality behind them) expecting 50 000 hits a month & a solid income from their blog.  It simply doesn't happen that way.  In my first 3 years of blogging, i posted 3 dozen times.  I was too busy raising children & sewing, so when i commenced regular blogging in 2010 - it was a much more competitive, interesting & larger blogosphere, with local conferences & global events.  I never checked statistics, but my children love looking at the search words "Mum, some creepy person found your blog by searching 'children in bikinis'" much to my horror & no, i'd never post a picture of my children visibly wearing bikinis!!  So it was with much excitement they discovered my hits as '234 567' this week, i appreciate every hit.  A blogger recently wrote "everyone finds their statistics depressing" but i disagreed & am constantly thrilled when i peek at them, really, that many people read this post, i'm truly flattered, NOT disappointed, NEVER deflated.   

 I've read blogs, i admire very much, posting that they weren't a finalist in a writing competition so perhaps they should give up writing altogether & stop blogging; to others listing all the classic blog must do milestones . . . including a rainbow birthday layer cake, talking about your sex life & suffering depression/ addiction.  They were actually brilliant posts, content & intent.  I have seen more than a few of my favourites switch their blogs to 'private' for various reasons, i would never blog about anything i didn't mind my worst enemy or my own mother reading.  Clearly my children read my blog, so i write honestly, with heart & no regrets.  Some bloggers demand "don't stalk, if you're here, leave a comment or it's rude".  Others insist you must have left 10 comments in the past month or don't enter my giveaway!!  Then some switch off comments as they find it sad when they don't get any for a post.  This isn't what i thought blogging was about.   

Then there is the status of how many followers you have.  I adore my readers, thus naming the 'follow' section as such.  I comment, i join in memes & list parties, i make an effort, i hope enough of an effort, to put up quality posts & visit them too.  Then you read a blogger begging "i get 5000 hits a day, why aren't you all following me" geesh - wondered if those readers took a peek at your blog, as they saw you on television, but didn't like it, so don't follow??  As for some of these celebrity bloggers, how many comments are a suitable amount to leave before you realise they are never going to know/ care who you are & visit your blog??  Actually make that, ANY blogger!!  It's just courtesy don't you think, to say hello & thank you, rather than chase new followers/ commenters constantly??  Cherish the ones you have.  Do you follow blogs with fewer followers that yourself, or are you a social media climber??
Just for some random light entertainment, so this commentary isn't too serious . . . my children taught their chicken to ride a camel.  

At the end of the day 99% of us blog for fun, it's a nice escape & for housewives like me, reading blogs is kind of like office chatter, you're my colleagues out there & it's our supportive community.  I don't mind if you're making money off your blog, i'll still read, you're not a "sell out" (not my words) & if it's really positive for you, well done.  I do loathe the blogs where there is SO much advertising down each side of the screen, i can barely focus on the post, it defeats the purpose, non??  So sad when the potential of paid endorsements changes the way a blogger writes too. 

I have been wondering about going to a blog conference in Sydney next month, i'd love to meet the bloggers i follow, for real & for true, but i'm not so sure i want to sit & listen to all the ways you can increase traffic - i'm a bit old fashioned i guess, i still believe blogging & hits should be based purely on genuine content, what comes naturally to you, not tricks, bells & whistles.  So here's to blogging for fun & any fame/ fortune/ awards are just a gracious bonus, right??  Love Posie

social commentary Sunday . . . 'what made you stop & have a baby??'

Greetings all,

Really wanted to title this post . . . 'who are you listening to when it comes to what age you should be having children, career/ baby/ finances blah blah blah??'  

Maybe it's the school holidays with lazy mornings that i've noticed, all over the breakfast & morning shows, this debate . . . what age is right to have a baby??  What is more important first - career/ home/ money/ travel??  You can mix it up!!  To save writing a full essay, we'll just assume 'right' = 'a suitable stage in your life' & you've met your baby making partner too.  I genuinely wonder who want-to-be-mothers-one-day are actually talking to??  Is it their baby making partner, family, friends, colleagues, bosses, other mothers, themselves . . . versus listening to statistics, celebrities & what 'they' say??  In the words of the great Dr Phil - "who is 'they', did 'they' graduate from 'They' University??"  When did we stop making decisions for ourselves exactly??  Talking to real people about their real experiences, not googling & comparing ourselves to statistics (so easily skewed to create a talking point) . . . about the most important thing you'll ever do - raise a human being!!  
Apparently 'having a baby' rates very low on the list of things young women want in their life these days.  Do these young women know fertility declines dramatically from the age of 27 & IVF is not a guaranteed 'back up'.  No one ever seems to bring this up, biological clocks are ticking away, but everyone assumes it's after the age of 35 or 40 (Hollywood doesn't help this myth with older mothers making fertility look effortless.)  Actress Melissa George was quoted as saying, after the breakup of her marriage & idea of meeting someone new + having a baby . . . "i still have time, i'm only 35." Age & fertility is one limit few can defy.

Please know i am all for people who decide not to have children, i believe it's a bigger decision not to have them, it's not at all selfish or whatever people think about childless-by-choice people.  Good on you, you have a different quality of life.
I remember hearing magazine editor Deborah Thomas once saying "ooppss i forgot to have a baby" & i lost instant respect for her.  How do you forget??  I was ambitious about a future career, wanted 4 children, a nice home, university education . . . a husband was on the 'life check list' too when i left school.  Call me a naive giddy teenager, i knew from the moment i met my husband, he was my future . . . it was so natural to chat about babies, houses, hopes & dreams.  I was playing it cool (i read Marie Claire, i knew not to appear desperate) . . . he raised these long-term-relationship topics, aged 22.  We had a collective dozen nieces & nephews already, we knew what it took to have/ raise/ fund/ love a child.  We are apparently in the small minority though - thinking, planning, wanting babies while we were really young.      

What is financial security??  Who ever has enough money to afford a baby??  Most Australians live with a home ownership dream/ obsession, slipping a baby in the mix with the reduction/ pause to one salary, it's near impossible for most.  So you've met your life partner, do you have a baby now versus the heartache & expense of potential fertility issues later??  I heard one journalist say only 2 of her friends had babies in their 20s, both accidents, yet both said it was the best thing that ever happened to them - accidentally starting their families.  This journalist didn't mention that she struggled to have babies in her early 40s after years of IVF - was she listening to those friends or focussed on that news anchor position??  Especially since she insists, becoming a mother is her greatest role.  Really??  Or did she work that out afterwards??  So many of us mummies will scream from the rooftops, being a mum is the best thing ever, career can pause & living in a modest home is happiness too.    

I'm perhaps unqualified to discuss this subject as i was pregnant at 23, planned, i had just finished Uni & was married to a Lance Corporal (one rank up from Private soldier), we knew were never going to be rich with the 4 children plan, we struggled, but we loved every minute of it & made it work (cloth nappies, breastfeeding, homemade everything, minimal toys & zero takeaway/ holidays/ childcare/ new cars.)  Sure the Army provide a reduced-market-rental roof over our heads so an immediate mortgage wasn't a financial pressure, but we saved to buy investment properties (when our first child was born & i worked full time in the oil industry) which kept us poor in the present, but set us up for a financial future.  People are constantly saying to me "wish i had my children younger" for reasons of energy, expectations & mindset.  Well yes, i was a 35 year old high school mum with energy to burn & remember high school vividly . . . i just spent Saturday night curled up with my teenager, watching movies & talking about love, marriage, hopes & dreams - but i am very much her mother, not her girlfriend.  
How many couples look back, remembering the tiny first home with new babies & a broken down car, eating soup at a plastic table . . .  & say it was the best time of their lives??!!  

Did you decide to go for it, have babies & just see where life took you??  What are you waiting for??  Love Posie
PS thank you so much for the gorgeous messages about my last post, they absolutely filled my heart with warmth & love.  Our little chicken passed away before we went to bed last night, it was in the end, relief, in every aspect that the word 'relief' can be.  Today i've had that cried-all-day-&-night headache, but my soul is lighter.

social commentary Sunday . . . 'guiding gifted children'

Greetings all,
I hope by this stage in my blog journey my readers ‘get me’ . . . as I’ve decided to post on how we are guiding our academically gifted children. My mother jokingly called it ‘the G&T crowd’ when we were at school, as the parents of gifted children looked like they needed a stiff drink, a Gin & Tonic, with equally stressed out children. Bless North Shore private schools!!  This is not a hand book, purely my experience & strong opinion on the topic.

Once it was confirmed we were posting to Canberra, we were offered unsuitable Defence Housing options (size, style, location) in the far south; when my husband’s job was in the north?? The only way we could campaign for housing preferences was to deem one of our children ‘Special Needs’. So in 2007 I organised for my daughters to be tested for giftedness (hoping one might be). The school in Darwin had the executive teacher administer the tests during school time, 12 tests over 12 weeks. I didn’t really discuss it with the children, I didn’t want to them feel any pressure.

The Education Psychologist called me with the results. They all got top marks (all gifted), however, he focussed on our eldest (freakishly gifted). I had no idea those conversations about how planes fly, spectrums, pages of maths calculations & her grasp on abstract thinking, as a 3 year old, would result in a specific number of intelligence which had teachers patting me on the back. I was uncomfortable with the teacher reaction though, & have never told them the IQ scores. The Psychologist explained “her brilliance lies in her adaptability – she’s not obnoxious, using big words around her peers to elevate herself or seeking out adult company, but saves it for her exams & appropriate opportunities.” We never tested our son, he’s a replica of his sisters, same inquisitive questions as a toddler, amazing school reports since.

As it turned out, we were offered a suitable home in north Canberra, got places at the primary & preschool of our choice, so we never submitted the Special Needs paperwork. My husband & I know we have 4 academically gifted & talented children, yet chose regular schools, encouraging sport & social skills, imaginative play & creativity. I believe giftedness in young children should be natural, not coached or coerced, let them be children. Certainly have books available should they wish to pick them up, but ensure it’s a well-rounded approach, not an obsession – this includes electronic gadgets. We tell our children they are no more special than the child next to them who might fail spelling yet go onto build cities, or the gamer who might become a humanitarian. The Psychologist asked what I was going to do, i answered “nothing”. He responded “fantastic, just tuck that information up your sleeve & keep your children grounded, they are going to find school very easy, enjoy it.” I remember reading an article on gifted children years earlier, a mother said “thank goodness my daughter was a tennis champion; it kept her from being a social pariah for being a genius.” Today adults call themselves ‘nerds’, as a self-effacing way of saying “I’m brainy” because of this damned tall poppy mentality of Australia (where we chop down successful people), yet you can openly boast you are excellent at art, sport, cooking, music, sewing.  Even Brainy Smurf had a tough time, with his stereotypical annoying listen-to-how-smart-i-am personality!! 

On occasion, my children are nominated for out-of-school extended programmes, it’s always hush hush by the school, they are terrified someone might feel left out as the chosen children are viewed as favoured/ elitist/ smarter. FYI these programmes are ‘transport your own child’ & cost around $90 a day – not accessible to everyone anyway!! I find Canberra schools & their public servant thinking . . . as they go to lengths to make children all feel equal, it’s a bit too socialist for me, what is the harm in knowing you are smarter/ someone else is smarter – like in the real world, when people are promoted past you or earn a better salary!! Thank goodness they still hand out ribbons for sport, I actually loathe ‘participation awards’ & the sickly sweet ‘you’re all winners’ when clearly you-are-not, or we wouldn’t have the Olympics!!

I digress . . . my children have been to 9 different pre/ primary/ highschools, I have a clue about education attitudes in different states & territories around Australia?? What has triggered this rant now . . . last week I met a lady, who asked if I had gifted children, then quizzed me on which primary & highschools I chose & why . . . ones without streamed or extended classes. I explained my view on raising gifted children & she was visibly shocked. I ended it with “I’ve explained to my children, your lucky brains work in a way that allows you to learn quickly & easily” & discussed how my children aren’t inclined to be naughty or disruptive so when they finish their work early or find it unchallenging, they draw & read, they’re not given endless extension papers, they get a nice mental break.  She openly indicated i was preventing my children from success.  Truly!!

I went to primary school with a girl who became a triple Olympian & I remember her modest sportsmanship as the most wonderful trait. That is the approach I hope for my children. I wonder about the benefit of advancing children?? Do parents really need to invest in a baby reading programme?? Guess what, it really matters what happens in the final years of highschool . . . the scientists, educators & other brilliant minds of today, were not reading at 18 months of age!! I’m also baffled by pushy parents - are they living vicariously through their children?? Personally, I believe success is happiness. Congratulations to those who have it all – career, family, friends, travel, happiness & still love their parents. The Tiger Parent, don’t get me started, do those children even speak to their parents when they grow up?? How about mental health & really mean it when you say to your children “you’ve tried your hardest, I love you for giving it a go.” I’ve seen plenty who do not!! Encyclopaedias at the dinner table anyone?? Love the child, not the gift.  What about ‘how was your day’ & regular social interaction, not 24/7 information overload. There is more than credentials/ degrees/ qualifications to get a job nowadays, personality is a factor. You can’t even get into Medicine at University based on marks alone, there are interviews & guess what, saying “my parents want me to be a doctor” is the WORST thing you can do!!

I limit my children’s extracurricular activities, they need downtime too. They’ve chosen sport over music hallelujah (my twins were offered the trumpet in the brass band, I canNOT do duelling trumpets) & while they have beautiful voices, they’re not going anywhere NEAR Young Talent Time, in fact, I steer clear of talent shows (The Voice, Idol, X Factor) as I’d like them to embrace their childhood, not have stars in their eyes about fame & fortune based on a single talent they have.

All this said, you might think I’m raising my children to have low aspirations, in fact, the opposite is true. I have children who dream of being leaders, doctors, models & fighter pilots (guess which), they have to want it, not me. We are giving them the best education we can afford (public primary, private highschool) & support – I’m available for early morning sport practise, evening homework assistance, drive them to all their activities. My father always said “strive for the best marks, so you choose what you want to do, not your marks”. We were never pushed, just given the best tools & as a result, my brothers are a rocket scientist & a trauma surgeon, my sister a ballerina, me a pharmacologist – not one of us EVER branded ‘gifted & talented’ . . . we still love, admire & thank our parents for how they guided us. We’re all passing it onto our children – best education we can afford & support at home, most importantly a family full of love.

I’d love to hear your point of view on this.  I had an opinion on this topic, long before i even became a parent, love Posie

social commentary Sunday . . . 'cyber stalking'

Greetings all,
Social media & getting your 'cyber fix' is just part of life these days . . . having an on line profile is de rigueur whether you are a business, hoping to find old friends, creating a life diary for your child or simply have interesting things to say.  I've kept my children's names, dates of birth & other 'points of identification' off line, to maintain their privacy . . . why make it any easier for anyone to steal your identity, now or in your children's future??
Lately i've been wondering . . . what if all this online profile business was around when i was a child??  Hopefully i'd have more than 3 photos of myself before i started school!!  After listening to my nieces & nephews confirm relationships, friendly gossip & up-to-the-minute holiday news via FaceBook, it kind of freaks me out, how much personal information is out there.  Do they realise they are declaring their movements - where to find them (clubs, schools, jobs) & who they'll be with??  When social media attaches the location you are at - to status updates, how can anyone cheat - lovers, employers, teachers??  I don't like to post 'that i'm away' when i'm away (burglars) but when i'm tagged in a photo at an interstate event . . . it automatically tells the world & i don't have control over that, unless i delete my on line profile.  

I can honestly say i have never gone through my husband's phone messages/ call list/ email/ pockets . . . i'm just not snoopy.  My mother used to tell us where she hid our Christmas gifts so we wouldn't accidentally find them while searching for dress ups or board games in her wardrobe.  I'm not a saint & i don't like surprises, but i respect people's privacy. 

But . . . as a teenager, OMG, in my room, alone, with the internet & cute boys' names written on my arm, i really wonder if i could resist doing some research on them??  Would i check out where my future boyfriend is spending Summer & bump into him at that beach??  I really wouldn't trust an immature me.  Would i be possessive, dream up a fantasy life with a boy i saw on my bus, cross check his school on line & hope to find a picture of him on, work out his name, cyber stalk him??  Can't say i wouldn't.  In high school i wanted to be a police detective as i was really good at solving puzzles & i started on the forensics path at University.  A year later i met my handsome soldier, no cyber stalking (it was 1994) but i just remembered, he said if i hadn't given him my number he would have looked it up in my Army Reserve records & made some excuse to call me anyway.  Now who is the stalker??  Oh this generation just isn't terrified like we were with movies like Fatal Attraction & Basic Instinct.  Bunny boiler anyone??  Ok, i've never seen these movies but i know the premise, just never ends well for Michael Douglas, the quintessential pants man. 

I think i would be a terrible cyber girlfriend, i really do think i would google a boy before a date!!  While i have never been a jealous person, would i feel differently if i checked his history with girls, where they went, how pretty she was??  It could be so insane!!

Would you trust a yourself to not check someone out on line??  Are you dating now, or what about a pre-internet you??  Do you cyber stalk??  Have you been cyber stalked??  This doesn't include bloggers finding you at a bloggie event, or many of you would be saying "yeah, that Posie girl came right up to me at a market/ craft event/ meeting & said you must be such & such, totally freaking me out!!"  I find it so fascinating, love Posie