social commentary Sunday . . . 'guiding gifted children'

Greetings all,
I hope by this stage in my blog journey my readers ‘get me’ . . . as I’ve decided to post on how we are guiding our academically gifted children. My mother jokingly called it ‘the G&T crowd’ when we were at school, as the parents of gifted children looked like they needed a stiff drink, a Gin & Tonic, with equally stressed out children. Bless North Shore private schools!!  This is not a hand book, purely my experience & strong opinion on the topic.

Once it was confirmed we were posting to Canberra, we were offered unsuitable Defence Housing options (size, style, location) in the far south; when my husband’s job was in the north?? The only way we could campaign for housing preferences was to deem one of our children ‘Special Needs’. So in 2007 I organised for my daughters to be tested for giftedness (hoping one might be). The school in Darwin had the executive teacher administer the tests during school time, 12 tests over 12 weeks. I didn’t really discuss it with the children, I didn’t want to them feel any pressure.

The Education Psychologist called me with the results. They all got top marks (all gifted), however, he focussed on our eldest (freakishly gifted). I had no idea those conversations about how planes fly, spectrums, pages of maths calculations & her grasp on abstract thinking, as a 3 year old, would result in a specific number of intelligence which had teachers patting me on the back. I was uncomfortable with the teacher reaction though, & have never told them the IQ scores. The Psychologist explained “her brilliance lies in her adaptability – she’s not obnoxious, using big words around her peers to elevate herself or seeking out adult company, but saves it for her exams & appropriate opportunities.” We never tested our son, he’s a replica of his sisters, same inquisitive questions as a toddler, amazing school reports since.

As it turned out, we were offered a suitable home in north Canberra, got places at the primary & preschool of our choice, so we never submitted the Special Needs paperwork. My husband & I know we have 4 academically gifted & talented children, yet chose regular schools, encouraging sport & social skills, imaginative play & creativity. I believe giftedness in young children should be natural, not coached or coerced, let them be children. Certainly have books available should they wish to pick them up, but ensure it’s a well-rounded approach, not an obsession – this includes electronic gadgets. We tell our children they are no more special than the child next to them who might fail spelling yet go onto build cities, or the gamer who might become a humanitarian. The Psychologist asked what I was going to do, i answered “nothing”. He responded “fantastic, just tuck that information up your sleeve & keep your children grounded, they are going to find school very easy, enjoy it.” I remember reading an article on gifted children years earlier, a mother said “thank goodness my daughter was a tennis champion; it kept her from being a social pariah for being a genius.” Today adults call themselves ‘nerds’, as a self-effacing way of saying “I’m brainy” because of this damned tall poppy mentality of Australia (where we chop down successful people), yet you can openly boast you are excellent at art, sport, cooking, music, sewing.  Even Brainy Smurf had a tough time, with his stereotypical annoying listen-to-how-smart-i-am personality!! 

On occasion, my children are nominated for out-of-school extended programmes, it’s always hush hush by the school, they are terrified someone might feel left out as the chosen children are viewed as favoured/ elitist/ smarter. FYI these programmes are ‘transport your own child’ & cost around $90 a day – not accessible to everyone anyway!! I find Canberra schools & their public servant thinking . . . as they go to lengths to make children all feel equal, it’s a bit too socialist for me, what is the harm in knowing you are smarter/ someone else is smarter – like in the real world, when people are promoted past you or earn a better salary!! Thank goodness they still hand out ribbons for sport, I actually loathe ‘participation awards’ & the sickly sweet ‘you’re all winners’ when clearly you-are-not, or we wouldn’t have the Olympics!!

I digress . . . my children have been to 9 different pre/ primary/ highschools, I have a clue about education attitudes in different states & territories around Australia?? What has triggered this rant now . . . last week I met a lady, who asked if I had gifted children, then quizzed me on which primary & highschools I chose & why . . . ones without streamed or extended classes. I explained my view on raising gifted children & she was visibly shocked. I ended it with “I’ve explained to my children, your lucky brains work in a way that allows you to learn quickly & easily” & discussed how my children aren’t inclined to be naughty or disruptive so when they finish their work early or find it unchallenging, they draw & read, they’re not given endless extension papers, they get a nice mental break.  She openly indicated i was preventing my children from success.  Truly!!

I went to primary school with a girl who became a triple Olympian & I remember her modest sportsmanship as the most wonderful trait. That is the approach I hope for my children. I wonder about the benefit of advancing children?? Do parents really need to invest in a baby reading programme?? Guess what, it really matters what happens in the final years of highschool . . . the scientists, educators & other brilliant minds of today, were not reading at 18 months of age!! I’m also baffled by pushy parents - are they living vicariously through their children?? Personally, I believe success is happiness. Congratulations to those who have it all – career, family, friends, travel, happiness & still love their parents. The Tiger Parent, don’t get me started, do those children even speak to their parents when they grow up?? How about mental health & really mean it when you say to your children “you’ve tried your hardest, I love you for giving it a go.” I’ve seen plenty who do not!! Encyclopaedias at the dinner table anyone?? Love the child, not the gift.  What about ‘how was your day’ & regular social interaction, not 24/7 information overload. There is more than credentials/ degrees/ qualifications to get a job nowadays, personality is a factor. You can’t even get into Medicine at University based on marks alone, there are interviews & guess what, saying “my parents want me to be a doctor” is the WORST thing you can do!!

I limit my children’s extracurricular activities, they need downtime too. They’ve chosen sport over music hallelujah (my twins were offered the trumpet in the brass band, I canNOT do duelling trumpets) & while they have beautiful voices, they’re not going anywhere NEAR Young Talent Time, in fact, I steer clear of talent shows (The Voice, Idol, X Factor) as I’d like them to embrace their childhood, not have stars in their eyes about fame & fortune based on a single talent they have.

All this said, you might think I’m raising my children to have low aspirations, in fact, the opposite is true. I have children who dream of being leaders, doctors, models & fighter pilots (guess which), they have to want it, not me. We are giving them the best education we can afford (public primary, private highschool) & support – I’m available for early morning sport practise, evening homework assistance, drive them to all their activities. My father always said “strive for the best marks, so you choose what you want to do, not your marks”. We were never pushed, just given the best tools & as a result, my brothers are a rocket scientist & a trauma surgeon, my sister a ballerina, me a pharmacologist – not one of us EVER branded ‘gifted & talented’ . . . we still love, admire & thank our parents for how they guided us. We’re all passing it onto our children – best education we can afford & support at home, most importantly a family full of love.

I’d love to hear your point of view on this.  I had an opinion on this topic, long before i even became a parent, love Posie