22 September 2012

one year ago . . .

Greetings all,
One year ago, my husband landed in Afghanistan for his third deployment of that dusty hell hole.  The last thing he said before leaving was "thank you" for letting him go.  I've done that 5 times now, leaving him a base, dock or airport, saying goodbye as he leaves for up to 9 months in a war zone.  I don't think about being alone or parenting solo, it's not knowing what he's doing or when i'll hear from him next, it's wrenching.  I cry my heart out & the children are numb for a while . . . our handsome soldier has gone away again.  
I have been madly in love with this man for 19 years, he was my teen love through University & we've both changed - i was going to be a forensic scientist (before it was CSI cool) with tonnes of attitude . . . he was in a few dead end jobs & apprenticeships, i always knew he'd end up in the regular Army, deploying to war wasn't on the cards.  We grew together, i softened . . . love, marriage & children came naturally, living all over Australia, having twins, holidaying in Europe twice, taking the children to Disneyland & creating a farm dream have been lovely surprises we never expected on a low income.  I tell you, it's not how much money you make, it's how you use it & save, save, invest & save some more.    
My husband has an innate sense of responsibility, many servicemen do, he has uneasy calm in difficult situations & can be un-reactive.  I don't do drama, so we're kind of perfect for each other.  I find hot heads very unattractive.  I know he supports me in everything i do.  It's the most wonderful feeling to know someone is your rock, unconditionally there for you & eternally kind to your heart.  I can't tell my daughters about what it feels like to have your heart broken by a boy, but i can show them true respect in a relationship.        
Best of all he doesn't question why i live my life with rosy glasses & looking for eternal goodness.  Sure i have reality, war zones are never far from his world, i figure it's a more positive brain space to live in the moment & love it.  He knows not to question why i covet metal signs, leave my mobile phone at home, hang bunting around the house, walk into shops i can't afford to buy anything in, collect petals for the chickens, match pegs with washing on the clothes line, eat a cookie then run flat out for half an hour . . . or why i'd photograph a cabbage . . . "is that going on your blog??"  He just lets me be me.   
 Last weekend we cuddled up in watched the special forces movie Act of Valor.  They included the soldier family life - BBQs, kicking a ball around with the children - then they walk away to a deployment.  I can't imagine how it must feel for my husband to leave us, other than confusing . . . he can't put it into words, just tears . . . keeping extremely busy & focused on his job.  
Then he comes home to all these girls, a son desperate to have father & a life of home baked goodness, it couldn't be more removed from a war zone.  He slowly finds his place back in the family, fixing things - not necessarily when convenient to me (like changing engine oil while i'm serving dinner??) - so i look at the helpfulness of his actions & intentions.  I let him potter, i do not nag.  I've found him tidying up the dreaded cupboard above the fridge (which i can't reach) & the cutlery drawer, he might vaccum around the lounge (not under it) but pull out the fridge to mop behind it??  No rhyme or reason, i just let him go for it & not complain when i can't find steak knives!!
We are trying to get handsome soldier posted back to Canberra & living with us again, that means countless appointments & paperwork, or he'll be in Brisbane for 5 years, on his own.  I said to the last 'authority' involved in the decision "this is all positive, we really love each other" & she said "i can see that".  Then i realised she must witness many marriage break downs & worse, we must have been a breath of fresh air, still so happy after almost 2 decades.  I've had a crush on my husband since 1994, butterflies & giggles, blushed cheeks, i still get them.  Love Posie

24 comments:

Barbara Woods said...

love that!! that's the way i feel about mine

Christie DescribeHappy said...

So heartfelt and wonderful. My husband has a medical thing he's going through and I can relate to him being helpful in odd ways. Great reminder to embrace the good in each moment!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing Posie, it is amazing how people deal with things differently. You and your handsome soldier are a fantastic example of best friends in marriage. Congratulations on 20 years, somewhat of a milestone these days!!! Frances

Bree said...

I can't begin to imagine how confusing it is for you all when he comes and goes but congratulations on getting through it intact and making it work for you. I am eternally in awe and we all owe him our thanks :)

Modern Day Mummying said...

Posie I love this post :) It's not easy finding this kind of love, let alone keeping it alive after many, many years...

I believe in your kind of love and do hope that God blesses me with this kind one day... He's already blessed me with the crazy love that you can only have for your own child so for that I am so grateful and thankful :)

I do hope He answers your prayers of keeping your man at home with you all. It must be as hard on him as it is on you spending all of that time away.

Keep believing... It'll happen.

Pippa said...

Great post, great hubby, great family and a great you!

Aunt Spicy said...

such a sweet post! I am sure it will all work out!

Melbourne Girl said...

Love this. A lot!
Lesley
xx

Mum on the Run said...

Beautiful.
I can't imagine what it must be like - for any of you.
I've always admired your steadfast strength and conviction - and level headedness.
I hope that you get to keep your handsome soldier close - in ever way.
:-) x

Charlotte E said...

Gorgeous, gorgeous post. I'm welling up a little here at the love, the leaving, the dreams, all of it.

Brenda @ Mira Narnie said...

Oh what a lovely post about your special man.... And how emotional his career must be for all of you. I hope he can move to Canberra soon and plan your farm dream and make it a reality. I love your loyalty, practicality and how you describe having a crush on your husband. Its just the best!!!

Brenda @ Mira Narnie said...

Oh what a lovely post about your special man.... And how emotional his career must be for all of you. I hope he can move to Canberra soon and plan your farm dream and make it a reality. I love your loyalty, practicality and how you describe having a crush on your husband. Its just the best!!!

Mimi and Tilly said...

Hello Posie, I cannot imagine how you must be feeling right now, but your words helped me understand. Your love story is beautiful. Sending smiles and wishing all good things for you, your husband and your family. Em ♥

ClaireyHewitt said...

Dear Posie,

Tis is a really lovely post.

I wonderful story to read about a strong and happy marriage, even when things are not 'normal'...what ever normal is.

Bron said...

Awww good luck with the posting shift. xx

Jode said...

A beautiful, beautiful post Posie! Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us and giving us a glimpse into the life of a family with a soldier.
I have no idea how you do it but i can 'see' the love you have for this wonderful man and i hope things eventually go your way and you are joined together for a little more time!!

Sally said...

Such a lovely post. Good for you and your soldier.
...and why did you take the photo of the cabbage???

posie blogs Jennie McClelland said...

Oh the cabbage, i was chopping it up for the chickens & the purples just looked so beautiful!!
Thanks for your lovely heart felt comments, i feel very special with my husband in my world, love Posie

Kylie said...

Fingers crossed that you will be able to have him home with you and that the autority's will see sense in their madness. Thinking of you all.

Jo in TAS said...

Fantastic post Posie! I'm not surprised there's breakdowns of military marriages when they have to negotiate so much terrain. My husband got out as it was not going to be as family friendly as we wanted in our lives, it's definitely not for everybody. I hope your hubby gets the posting he deserves and that's home with his family, australia has had their share of him, now it's your turn!
Hugs
Jo

Kim said...

What a beautiful post! Touched my heart and brought tears to my eyes. So encouraging to see, hear and read about amazing people sticking together no matter what life throws at them. You and your family are an inspiration. Thank-you for sharing, blessings to you and your lovely family!
love Kim, from www.happymummyinspired.blogsot.com

Coal Valley View said...

Gorgeous Post! But what I love is your acknowledgement of how difficult it is from his perspective. We always hear how hard things are for the mum without appreciating the sacrifices our partners make to provide for their families. I'm imagining him reading your Post with tears in his eyes - so proud to have those lovely kids and you as his gorgeous wife. Mel xx

A little bit Country said...

I love this post. I still get butterflies in my stomach when my lovely man arrives home from work. Elaina xo

Claire said...

Hi Posie,

Thank you for sharing. My husband (RAAF) left on his thrid deployment on the 23rd of September. This is our fist with children (4 & 1). Your story is very similar to ours. And I love the way you explanied everything including when they come home. I say just go with it, don't fight it, won't take long and all back to normal.

Love reading your blog.