07 November 2011

perfecting bad parenting . . . 'inappropriate for children'

Greetings all,
Thanks for your support in my post on the delusion of perfection.  I'm glad you understood where i was coming from - not bashing people who strive for amazing heights, but the word 'perfect' drives me bonkers.  It's so subjective.  Your perfection ain't my idea of perfect, vice versa, each to their own.  Even gorgeous Shar from Mum on the Run blog was inspired to do an imperfection post, yay!!  I'm here to support your unperfectness
So, as promised, a week of imperfection & disaster posts (i was going to call it a 'challenge' but it's not) . . . where better to start than bad parenting.  My children are largely unsupervised at home, they're not naughty, they are independent & tend to make good behaviour decisions.  I wish i could say the same of myself.
In the school holidays i somehow bought 20 books, including a bunch at the $5 book sale (the old Borders) & at the counter the children spied some Christmas books on display. 
 Book shopping with author Tania McCartney is dangerous as she delights in pushing me "go on, i love Christmas books, buy one, buy them all" & blindly, i asked the sales assistant to add the Quentin Blake illustrated version of A Christmas Carol to the pile . . .  
 & some innocent cartoonish looking Santa book (no, i didn't see the cover properly).
 We got home later than afternoon & the children divided up the books & started reading, while i prepared dinner.  I soon heard all 4 of my children in my eldest daughter's bedroom giggling & calling out to me.  Naturally i ignored them, i was cooking, height of importance & priority.  Finally one of them came out & scoffed "Mum you are so inappropriate".
 I thought, what now, i don't have a stray bosom hanging out . . . then my angel faced son said "Mum, that Christmas book, it has the F word on the first four pages 10 TIMES".  I'm thinking, A Christmas Carol, i don't remember that??  Then they brought the book to me & to my horror (FYI we do not swear in front of the children & they still pretend to act shocked when people swear in movies) but this was something else . . . 364 different cartoons of an alcoholic, prank calling, reindeer hating Satan-Claus who likes to wee in the snow.
 They couldn't wait to tell Daddy about yet another inappropriate Mummy faux pas in his absense.  The list is long including . . . being pulled over by the Federal Police for having unruly children 'partying' in the back of the car (it was an average Wednesday afternoon school run) & of course the time i had to ring the Fire Brigade to remove my front door as my first born (toddler) locked me out. 
Then there are lapses in judgement . . . i really wanted to see Horrible Bosses at the cinema, it was the final days, but my eldest daughter was ill, so . . . i took her alone with me of course.  I know, worst mother ever.  It was hilarious but the swearing, the drug taking, the hookers & the car chases . . . um, when it finished she turned to me & said "you are such a bad mother but that movie was so funny".  Well maybe in her future working life she won't be a push over & driven to murder her boss??   I had to angle a Brady Bunch life lesson out of it somehow.

There you go . . . perfecting bad parenting today, the child who always gets left behind tomorrow.  Love Posie

32 comments:

Becky said...

I cannot stop laughing!!

Cherry Red Quilter said...

Oh Posie that is so funny but the fact that your kids brought it to your attention meeans you are doing a great job! Keep on being human, and a great mum!!!

Cherry Red Quilter said...

and you know what - I bet it gives your hubby a grat laugh and that won't do any harm either!

Sophie Slim said...

hahahaha this was hilarious to read. So good to know! And all of it is totally understandable :)

I have to admit, this was way more entertaining and a pleasure to read than a perfect ' look at my kids outfits and what a perfect weekend we had'

Thankyou!

Lizzie said...

Well I have to say Jennie, it sounds just pretty normal to me... :o)
You know, normal as in 'I'm just a Mum not 'supermum' thing, although I have to admit having the Feds pull you over..well, that's quite admirable really. We only have the boring old State ones so if you're going to get told off that's the way to go...!!
Have a great week and do be good.. ;o)
Lizzie
xxx

Cherie @ 'a baby called Max' said...

hahaha! Oh, this was a good giggle!

Your children are beautiful!

And if it's any consolation, I took dave's 87 year old grandmother to see the movie 'closer' because she LOVES Julia Roberts.

Well, they said the C word. Repeatedly.

And there were countless sex scenes.

And I just sat there frozen. Frozen with awkwardness, lol!

... you TRY to do a good thing?!?!

Sarah B said...

Oh that is funny, inappropriate or not!

brismod said...

Oh hilarious. That Santa book. So, so funny!
And I was locked out by my toddler first born too...xx

Amy said...

That's hilarious Jennie! Loved the Mum you are so inappropriate line.

The thing is, they know it is inappropriate, so that points to the fact that you are a great parent :P

rachelmp said...

Laughing. Oh that Santa book!

Sally said...

I am laughing out loud as I read this post. Nothing better than an drunk urinating Santa to get the festive season off to a good start.
Too funny :)

Felicity said...

Sighing with relief.
I took the Middle-Sized Gift to see the same movie [on her request] without really reading the preview - some awkward moments which you've mentioned but we were able to have a big laugh about the 'inappropriateness' of it all in the car on the way home.

Happy day Lovely You!
xx's

Mum on the Run said...

Nice work!!!
That book takes pride of place on the mantlepiece at Christmas time then?
Thank God it didn't make it into school for newstelling!!!
Although the story may well have!
I absolutely love hearing 'bad, bad Mum' tales (of the innocent enough variety). It makes us all feel so much better.
Thank you.
I'm going to really enjoy this week here!!
:-)

Feronia said...

That was such a funny post! You sound like a great mum :)

Tas said...

My dear Ms Posie, you are such an interesting person.

But the book wins. Classic! Can't wait till the kids get to embarrass you at your 50th birthday party.

Jane said...

Giggling in Hobart, Jennie! Oh, and good for you for striking a blow against perfection. You know what that means to me (http://www.lifeonplanetbaby.com/2011/04/my-life-as-perfectionist_02.html). All power to you, my friend! J x

Hannah said...

Hahaha!! I don't think your as ad as you make out, your kids should be gratefull to have such a nice mother!
xo Hannah

Catherine said...

Ah Jennie you made me laugh and your children are gorgeous I love what they said to you, tut tut;) I think we're all guilty of a thing or two I know I am;) Have a great week. xo

Louwink said...

Love it!

Lou ; )

TexWisGirl said...

oh, too funny - i'm sure you were mortified!

Amanda said...

He he got to laugh about those ones. There was the time my hubby and me crashed in front of the tv at 7.30 and the kids continued to watch instead of heading off to bed, unfortunately it was a shark horror film (something about genetically modified sharks that tore people apart with blood and gore etc). They decided to wake us up when the were totally scared out of their pants. My daughter just reminded me about that incident the other day.

The Provincial Homemaker said...

Ha, I almost bought the Quentin Blake Christmas Carol book but then I knew DH would kill me if I brought another book into the house that Ginger wouldn't read for years.

Anna Bartlett said...

I LOVE Quentin Blake and would buy anything he illustrates, and watched Horrible Bosses last night and loved it (but was glad the kids were asleep!). I figure they'll soon enough hear/read the bad words, but as long as they know we don't approve, they've got a choice. And knowing that they've got choices is my number one parenting goal. I think you're doing a great job because your kids let you know!

Sarah said...

Hehehe, so funny.

Oh I just love that version of A Christmas Carol. A true treasure.

Tania McCartney said...

I wet myself when you told me about the Santa book today, and I've wet myself again reading it tonight! And PS: I do NOT take responsibility for that book making it into your stash! A Christmas Carol - yes, Santa whizzing in the snow - no! xx

Salley said...

Hilarious Posie!
Its so hard to remain "adult" and "in control" all the time. Being PC is so boring. I best remember my Mummy (whilst little) when we were being "naughty"....we continued to share risque moments for years right up until she passed away.
Your children are totally fortunate to have a Laugh Guru for a Mum.

Kathryn @ TikiBoo said...

I'm sitting here chuckling. Hilarious!

Farmers Wifey said...

omg that book, that book...I want it :)

Farmers Wifey said...

omg that book, that book...I want it :)

Chicken Willow said...

Your a classic Posie!

Cath said...

What a crack up!!!!!!! Too funny Luv!

Shelley @ My Shoebox Life said...

Hilarious - I love that they tell you how inappropriate you are too! Naughty Santa. xx