30 October 2012

why it's so totally Ok to dislike some bloggers

Greetings all,
Blogs are a melting pot of society - you are going to find the same nice/ happy/ boring/ aggressive/ creative/ sarcastic/ intelligent/ competitive people in the blogosphere as you do at work/ school/ family/ friendship circles.  Yet we're so judgey.  Is it because it's on line; you can be anonymous; or is everyone who blogs in your genre meant to be your potential friend??  Just like in real life, not everyone is going to be your cup of tea.  I've had blogs highly recommended to me & i've either completely misread the tone of the writing or abstract images, not liked them at all . . . next blog please.
For years i had a badge on this blog saying "i have power over social media, if i don't like what i'm reading, i click away."  MUCH easier than real life situations.  So why put ANY time & energy into ANY social media you don't like??  Click X.  Delete.  Move on.  Plenty of lovely other blogs to read.  
I've been in the work-from-home-mummy-designer-business for a dozen years.  I've been sucked in & sucked dry by people stealing my ideas/ products/ creations & using them in books/ shops/ classes.  I've had big stores not pay for stock they have sold, celebrities running galleries who 'forget' to pay my commissions & friends not pay for custom design products.  One client looked at every single fabric i had in stock, cross questioned me about popularity, then set up a mass production product range based on the market research she did 'over lunch at my house!!'  Silly me being so friendly.  She's since made a fortune.  I wonder if she feels dirty about how it started so deceptively??  You can stoop to begging for payment or recognition, take legal action, or let it go.  I have had a dozen cases of heart break during my business years, the big payments i hunted down (they had broken contractual agreements) & others i chalked up to their bad karma.  Any stolen idea is rarely executed better than the originalCan you believe some have since asked to be my friend on FaceBook.  How about 'decline'!!  I still have my dignity & memory.
 I've met hundreds of bloggers now & most live up to their persona, however, some are shockingly different - egomaniacal crazies plagued with insecurities, who are best avoided.  I go home & quietly disappear from their fan base.  Jealousy is rife, it can get bitchy & compared to high school.  The point is - we're adults now - if you read a blog you don't like, avoid it, some are cliquey, many are hype, seek out the ones you truly love as time is precious.  You're not stuck having lunch with these people every day in the playground!!  
I've been attacked on this blog for appearing "too together".  People who care, know my personal life is tough, with a soldier husband constantly deploying to war & Alzheimer's has erased my mother's memory of me.  These are not things i can control, fight, help or change.  As for raising 4 children & making it look easy: i embrace the large family life challenge & create a healthy mind space, while maintaining fair discipline with clear guidelines.  I put in the freaking hard yards when they were babies, we were so poor we couldn't afford to blow money on nappies, so i breastfed, made all their food from scratch, washed cloth nappies (ye olde square ones) & thoroughly deserve the wonderful family, goals achieved & aspirations we have today.  I don't care if you use disposable nappies, formula, jars of food, child care, takeaway . . . we are allowed to raise our children differently & still be friends.  I'll never understand people poo poo'ing the positive.
There are always going to be leaders in social media - be a follower, do your own thing, join them or look from afar, just don't be jealous or hate them, they might well deserve their popularity as they're interesting & innovative + been around for a long time.  You might grow to be become super popular one day too.  With blogging, intentions change - there aren't any rules or limitations - except the ones you impose on yourself. 
It's all in appearances - styled images?? - well personally i wouldn't publish a picture of my washing basket or dishes piled up by the sink as i'm house proud - those chores will be done soon enough, they're not blog worthy to me.  Oh look at Posie, she has a beautiful bunch of oriental lillies on her imported Italian dining table with a fancy bird feeder in the background & more Bison ceramics to show off.  Let me dissect this image for you: i bought the flowers myself, they were $5 a week ago from Aldi; the vase was a Christmas gift to myself as i spent yet another Summer with my husband fighting in Afghanistan; windows need washing; Army housing shitty rental accommodation vertical blinds; we have a tiny back garden so the chickens live down a side passage; the dining table was bought new on eBay from a wealthy family with twins in Coogee who sold it for $1K (value $10K) as they weren't able to have any more children; the awesome polyurethane chairs are now 10 years old & cracking, we can't afford to replace them, so when we have guests - we swap the chairs around so the children sit on them; our neighbours are literally 2m from where we eat dinner every night; the bird feeder was purchased from a market stall next to mine, years ago for a discount, my husband thinks it's stupid but i absolutely love it . . . see what i mean, the same flowers would be a completely different story on someone else's blog!!

No one knows what is truly going on in your life, you can blog just the happy parts or memories you wish to keep for your family, or your struggles which make you stronger.  Do i feel left out when popular bloggers are drinking & going to events - i can't metabolise alcohol & haven't had a drink since i was 19; my children go to twenty times more parties than i do each year, big events aren't really my thing right now - i live in Canberra, not Sydney/ Melbourne/ Brisbane where the action seems to be.  Doesn't mean i am jealous or write a nasty comment, suddenly turn & hate a blogger . . . i just think "good for them, it's their thing right now."  We've grown up, had some knocks & made a million different choices to get to where we are now in real life & on line, so don't let a blogger get you down . . . they might be outright boasting, have qualifications & experience backing them up, or celebrating a new something - important to them.  Me, i avoid the blogs who have let me down or drifted away from my interests - no venomous attack or anonymous nasty comments, cut the communication & move on.  The nasties have left my happy world & i'm much better off without them in my thoughts.  Just like in real life - you meet people you don't like - it's Ok to dislike some bloggers too.  Love Posie

41 comments:

Jacinta said...

Thanks Posie, that was a well said post and I agree 100% Real life and blog life are different but still the same in regards to the people behind them. We shouldn't waste our time with either that we don't enjoy. And on the flip side, bloggers should understand that we can't please everyone who reads what we write and so don't take offence if people move on.
Hope you're well! xo

Sarah@Dolls And Daydreams said...

Well I for one love you for you ... there is always so much more in an individuals life .... how can we be defined by one blog when there are so many facets to our personalities, lives, families, goals, passions, fears, loves ........ talking about love .. I love reading your blog posts and still think of the wonderful supportive e-mail you sent me when I was pregnant with my little man ... who am I? I live 1000's of miles away from you .... we have never met .. and only chatted a few times ... but the power of the internet meant I was lucky enough to meet you .. :) Hooray!!

Big hugs to you and your beautiful family, Sarah xxxx

Mystica said...

Thank you for the very interesting post. You cannot please everyone all of the time and vice versa!

Jane Mayall said...

Hi Posie I am new to your blog having found it through Instagram. I love your generousity in comments and likes (on IG) and thoroughly enjoyed reading this - your well thought out insights and experience. I think this is a timely reminder to remember to work out whats real and whats a virtual perception or created. While I don't blog...I got sucked into facebook and the incongruency between what's reall ans what's not...I have stepped away from it and yes you are right to suggest for others to work out what's important and inspiring to have in your life via social media and what's best left out of our precious lives :) Thank you Posie :) xx

Catherine said...

Jennie you are so right there's no need to be nasty if you don't like a blog move on, enjoy blogging for you and for those kind souls who like stopping by:) Like anything we make of life what we will and I'm all for people like you who are positive and deal with life's ups and downs with smile. x

Leonie said...

very true!
Fortunately, most of the bloggers I've met have now become wonderful friends.
But there are those one or two who haven't.
Blogging has opened up a whole new world of friendships to me and I am so grateful to all those lovely bloggers I have met either on the internet or in real life.

littlebitofthyme.com said...

Love it Jennie! Blogs are such small snippets from our lives, just like any other social media. Hooray for honest bloggers like you. I love your personable approach you have.

Hope you are having a great day!

Tash x

Cate said...

Great post, I think we've had similar business experiences...

little love said...

Amen to that!

Julie said...

A great post Posie, sorry it's been a while since I've popped by, as you know life is busy with "Cherubs"...I don't know how you do it with 4 :)

There are hundreds of blogs in the blogosphere, but I only have a small few which I "follow" (one of them is yours!) and when have time pop in to read.

I hope your Soldier is at home for a while, and you get to enjoy some quality time together as a family :)

cassandramadge said...

Hear hear!! Something that we try to teach our kids, if you can't say something nice, upbuilding or positive, keep your mouth closed. Or move on, in a blog sense.

It's an important lesson that people are struggling to realise, that we naturally audit our blogs, just as we dress nicely and put on makeup or do our hair before we go outside. It's called best foot forward! How is that any different? But still the petty think it's fake and are jealous of the silly things.

You have earnt the beautiful things around you, and your beautiful family. Thankyou for this lovely real post.

Anonymous said...

I've met you, you are exactly like your blog, time for anyone, even when you are busy at a market stall.
I know some of the crap crafters you have dealt with, crafty by manipulation more like it. Good for you for not letting it get you down, but staying strong, getting stronger. Karma will bite them, you will see, or perhaps not see as you don't follow them or care anymore. x x Kirst

Sophie Slim said...

Thought you had stopped reading my blog ;) But seriously. good post. You're right, I dont like everyone in RL, same on the internet and thats okay. click out.

Sally said...

Why yes it is... for what its worth though ... I like you :)

Anne said...

I always enjoy reading your blog, especially when it's topical :)
Cheers
Anne

Just Martha said...

Hey Posie, love your post, Hear, hear. There are too many knockers in this world. Too many people making too many assumptions, often without basis. Love Martha

Amanda said...

This is post is why I enjoy your blog so much - you are honest, never afraid to share your opinions and have admirable values and personality traits which shine through in your writing. What you've said is so true - blogging is a cross-section of the community and you can't expect every blog to be your cup of tea. My blog reading time is so limited these days, I just stick to those who I truly love and gain something from and who are supportive of my blog in return.

One thing that does annoy me about a few blogs (and I'm talking smaller blogs here), I find that despite leaving many a comment, I never get a return visit or reply in return. Don't get me wrong, I don't visit them just because I want them to visit my blog, as you know blogging is not about the numbers for me, but I just think general courtesy is to at least pop over to the commenter's blog and say hi. No obligation to follow them or anything of course, but an acknowledgement to a new face commenting is nice I think... x

jennie said...

Ack - Jennie you've done it again!
SO honest and to the point. Such a brilliant post.
Its so awful the copying that goes on, its one of those rip your heart out kind of things - after all the work and effort that has gone into it.
The bullying/trolling on blogs and the internet in general is so sad, goes right back to school yard days and immature attitudes/insecure people. XXXJ

Fiona @ Brave New Vintage said...

Haha, you are such a nail on the head blogger. Love it. I share your sentiments re blogging. I don't worry when I get "unfollowed" on my blog because I don't invest that much into it and probably don't deserve the delightful modest readership I do have. I can't help but get a little uptight for you re your stolen creative ideas and products. The nerve of people. Stealing! Thank you for not letting such experiences make you bitter. But I love that you have gotten ticked off enough with the troll-cycle of blogging to write so aptly. I'm finding more activity on instagram these days which appears to be more honest and in the moment (less prepping!). I have enjoyed meeting your chickens there too. xx Fi

Fitness Food And Style said...

You're a classic! I think I love you!!! XxDani

PS: hands down to you babe for managing the forte while hubby is away. I could never do that. Bravo Xx

Polly said...

I don't understand why people have to turn something enjoyable into nastiness. I have no idea of what goes on as I've never met another blogger or been to any blogging events. Just do my thing and happy someone reads it. Xx

Christina Lowry said...

Absolutely! Your arguments always make sense to me. It's sad that there are nasty people out there though. Hopefully the good outweigh the bad. xx

Mother Down Under said...

I completely agree.
I don't understand why people make a big deal out of other people's blog...as you say, if you don't like it then move away!
And I think that if you are a blogger yourself you should realise that each and every blogger chooses what aspects of their lives they are going to write about. I know I do. I aim for my blog to be positive...and so I too leave the washing pile out of it!

Thanks for the wise words!

Vic at Blossom and Snowflakes said...

Just want to say thanks for posting this. Really enjoyed reading it and agree 100%.Vic x

creations.1 said...

So well thought out and sensible. I blog because I enjoy it. Comments... I haven't had any yet but thats ok. Followers .... so few... but that is ok too. Blogs i follow .... way more than my comments and followers and that is because I like those blogs and always get so much from each of their posts. Following a blog is like watching tv... if you don't like it turn it off!!! I don't like nasty comments/posts on blogs or facebook - there is just no need for it. I do enjoy your blog - always interesting and enjoyable to read.

Sam said...

Sad that some people feel the need to pass judgement, especially if they don't know your full story. Good on you for bringing this up and keeping it real :)

A-M said...

I have been attacked for building a house, selling a house, asking for space to grieve my marriage, rebuilding my life, defending myself to my trolls, and going out for lunch once a month with a small group of beautiful, kind, bloggers who accept me for who I am and not what my blog is. You can't win. You can't please everyone. The nasty comments and judgement are a reflection of what the trolls are going through in their lives and really have nothing to do with how you choose to live yours.

The Creative Beast said...

I love when you nail things like this, as you have done many times on your blog, and I usually stop to make a comment because the truth you have written resonates so strongly for me as this post does...

I am currently dealing with the silly mental calisthenics of jealousy and envy with a few bloggers, some I actually met before they 'made it big', but I also try to remind myself that each persons path is different and I don't have to continue to read the blogs of people that no longer resonate with me.

Sorry that you have dealt with so many business troubles of people stealing your ideas and not paying you; I do agree that people stealing ideas are never as good at recreating the idea as well as the ORIGINATOR of the idea!

You are an amazing woman and you have an AMAZING amount of integrity that I admire. Keep on being Posie - it's SO IMPORTANT to see such honest writing in the blogoshere!

Melbourne Girl said...

SPOT. ON!

posie blogs Jennie McClelland said...

Thanks for such a positive response to what is essentially a negative topic. Love Posie

Tania McCartney said...

My credo - LIVE AND LET LIVE. You're so right - blogging is deceptive because it's so filtered - we can present ourselves any way we like, so everything must be taken with a grain of salt. Each to their own - and I'm with you - why judge? Why waste time and energy and karma on negative comments? Just click away.

90% of blogs I could care less about - not because they're 'bad' but because my time is so precious, I won't waste a nanosecond on anything that doesn't make my heart race or head swoon.

Even worse than leaving negative comments or hating is following blogs to seek approval, get in with the blogging 'in crowd' or hovering in an attempt to gain followers for yourself.

I blog because I love it, no other reason. If someone reads it and enjoys it - that's lovely - but how they respond to me and my online presence is totally out of my hands - and I could absolutely care less.

:)

Mon Alisa Design said...

Lady, you are awesome.

I needed to read that today, thankyou so much!

Alisa x

Coal Valley View said...

Spot on as usual! I feel a bit guilty as I have neglected your space here in favour of interacting with you on the more immediate social media platform that is Instagram (how addictive is that!). But this Post is a reminder of the limitations of IG. Yes, we can't be all things to all people, like in the real world. Time is precious and I have had this conversation with a friend about commenting on people's Blogs and NEVER hearing back in any shape or form and she said just stop commenting. Done. So with the bigger blogs, I may read as if I were reading a magazine but I won't comment and therefore won't really get to know them. Part of the joy of blogging for me is getting to know others through joint interactions. I will never understand anyone being mean when they could just not read someones Post instead. Must say, you are one of the very few people with a large following who do such an amazing job building friendships. Have a great day!!! mel xx

Brenda @ Mira Narnie said...

yep i totally get this Jennie! i've been blogging for a while now and there were blogs that i loved before but dont so much now...that's ok...i moved on and spend my time in blogs that i adore, love and get inspriation from. my time is precious, and quite honestly I don't want to spend my free time reading sadness, whinging, and negativity....so I am selective! Great Post!!!

Alex aka WHOA MUMMA! said...

I love it when I get a few minutes alone to go through your blog posts. This post is so true.

What you see on a blog is 5% of what goes on in a person's life.

I have no tolerance for trolls, on my blog or on my facebook page. Why bother?

Amelia {Weddings, Babies... Everything} said...

Brilliant post Posie. I agree whole-heartedly.
I really don't like it when things turn all high school.
xx

Lilli boo said...

Such a great post Posie and so many wonderful comments to back it up. I feel everyone has commented on what I feel. I feel grateful for great writing, common sense and a great perspective on blogging...cheers,
Lil xxx

Christina Howes said...

I was moved by this post! Everything was oh so true! I was put onto your blog by my gorgeous friend "Mother down under". I have a 10 week old and reading blogs is one of the things I do while he has a nap. We don't have a lot of $$ either, especially now im not working. We make do, but we wish we could have more... Reading this post reminded me AGAIN to be happy with what you have and enjoy the moment. Work towards your goals because you'll get there in the end..it doesn't have to be done today! Thank you

Christina Howes said...

I was moved by this post! Everything was oh so true! I was put onto your blog by my gorgeous friend "Mother down under". I have a 10 week old and reading blogs is one of the things I do while he has a nap. We don't have a lot of $$ either, especially now im not working. We make do, but we wish we could have more... Reading this post reminded me AGAIN to be happy with what you have and enjoy the moment. Work towards your goals because you'll get there in the end..it doesn't have to be done today! Thank you

Resin Angels said...

It just goes to show that blogs are the same what ever topic they are about. I come from a mainly doll collecting world and that can get very bitchy, and too much high drama sometimes. Not everyone you meet is nice, most are but not always. What gets me is the way people behave rudely online and they wouldn't do that in real life. I always try to be true to who I really am in real life in my online life.

Jane said...

Ah Jennie. Bravo. You know what I think. I thank blogging for having allowed our paths to cross. J x