24 September 2011
i'm grateful for . . . 'allowed to be sad'
I've been doing fluffy posts all week to cover up the huge hole in my heart. This is not a sympathy seeking post, i just have to let my emotions out. It's not dirty laundry, more a lesson in how lucky you are if you have your family close in your heart, healthy & home.
I’ve had possibly the saddest week of my life . . . farewelling my husband, that is always tough, but when my father rang to say my mother (suffering Alzheimer’s) woke up one morning this week & said she didn’t know who he was, I’m heart broken. 56 years of marriage, this is how their love story is going to end?? I’m shattered. It's the moment i've been dreading. Alzheimer's Disease can leave the patient with the blur of feeling like they should know the people around them, only they can't put it together, they feel stupid & often scared.
This year I have done many posts on things I’ve given up, paused or postponed, from the P&C to my website, small markets to working at Shop Handmade, all things I loved but I knew how this year was going to run (husband away & elderly parents) + high school is as full on & involved as expected, especially if your child has missed 2 weeks due to a virus & suddenly assignments for every subject are due to wrap up the term & vital school work is missing. Pressure & stress, she likes to give her best.
I like to have everything in order in my house so we can enjoy school holidays, not use that non-school-run-time-savings on sorting the cupboards. Alas, I have a big double Handmade Market on next weekend, fabulous & that is where every spare moment is going next week, sewing!! Oh throw in another teacher’s strike too & regional athletics carnival. One more week of school, then we can all catch our breath . . . & visit my parents, the cupboards can wait.
I’m grateful I’m allowed to be sad, take it all in, compartmentalise what I can help with & make changes to, along with that I can’t do anything about, only wish for the best – like my darling Dad’s daily dealings with the cruel Alzheimer’s which is stealing my mother from him. They have moved to live closer to my doctor brother & his incredibly dedicated wife, for 'supervision', a very sensible move. I have my mental health, i can deal with this, absorb, slow & calm. I throw myself into positive pursuits like sewing & the gym, i walk the dog a bit further each day, he knows all my worries. Pets as therapy anyone?? I'm also very grateful i don't have to be anything other than a daughter, wife & mother, focus on family, that is my only goal to wrap up this emotional year. More Gratefuls here with sweet Sonia from Lioness Lady. Love Posie