24 September 2011

i'm grateful for . . . 'allowed to be sad'

Greetings all,
I've been doing fluffy posts all week to cover up the huge hole in my heart.  This is not a sympathy seeking post, i just have to let my emotions out.  It's not dirty laundry, more a lesson in how lucky you are if you have your family close in your heart, healthy & home.
I’ve had possibly the saddest week of my life . . . farewelling my husband, that is always tough, but when my father rang to say my mother (suffering Alzheimer’s) woke up one morning this week & said she didn’t know who he was, I’m heart broken.  56 years of marriage, this is how their love story is going to end??  I’m shattered.  It's the moment i've been dreading.  Alzheimer's Disease can leave the patient with the blur of feeling like they should know the people around them, only they can't put it together, they feel stupid & often scared.
This year I have done many posts on things I’ve given up, paused or postponed, from the P&C to my website, small markets to working at Shop Handmade, all things I loved but I knew how this year was going to run (husband away & elderly parents) + high school is as full on & involved as expected, especially if your child has missed 2 weeks due to a virus & suddenly assignments for every subject are due to wrap up the term & vital school work is missing.  Pressure & stress, she likes to give her best. 
I like to have everything in order in my house so we can enjoy school holidays, not use that non-school-run-time-savings on sorting the cupboards.  Alas, I have a big double Handmade Market on next weekend, fabulous & that is where every spare moment is going next week, sewing!!  Oh throw in another teacher’s strike too & regional athletics carnival.  One more week of school, then we can all catch our breath . . . & visit my parents, the cupboards can wait. 
I’m grateful I’m allowed to be sad, take it all in, compartmentalise what I can help with & make changes to, along with that I can’t do anything about, only wish for the best – like my darling Dad’s daily dealings with the cruel Alzheimer’s which is stealing my mother from him.  They have moved to live closer to my doctor brother & his incredibly dedicated wife, for 'supervision', a very sensible move.  I have my mental health, i can deal with this, absorb, slow & calm.  I throw myself into positive pursuits like sewing & the gym, i walk the dog a bit further each day, he knows all my worries.  Pets as therapy anyone??  I'm also very grateful i don't have to be anything other than a daughter, wife & mother, focus on family, that is my only goal to wrap up this emotional year.  More Gratefuls here with sweet Sonia from Lioness Lady.  Love Posie

56 comments:

LionessLady said...

Oh, Posie, I know you said you didn't want sympathy as such but I think you are going to get some anyway. Thoughts and hugs and whatever else you might need are being sent your way!

loulou said...

Miss Posie

Tears for you right now

I wish I was there to help you share the load - I'm good for that

love

x

Loulou

brismod said...

Oh. That is incredibly heart-breaking to hear of your poor parents. You've done well to allow yourself more time for the important things in life. Cupboard sorting can wait. xx

Felicity said...

You evoked a long, deep sigh from me Jennie.

I hope that there is true solace in the people and tasks around you as your warm and generous heart is tumbled about.

Stretching out my arms to give you a heartfelt hug....

CHD said...

How heart breaking. I hope you are OK. I recently lost one of my closest friends and it cetainly made me appreciate the life, family and love I have. I hope you find the peace and comfort you need at this difficult time. Hug from NZ. Cx

Sally said...

Oh dear. My heart sinks for your father. And for you too. Very sad indeed.

Tas said...

Oh, Jen, I can't imagine what this time must be like for you and your family. Thinking of you and your family.

Mum on the Run said...

Oh love, I have always admired your strength and positive attitude.
It's a wonderful thing to accept some sadness, grief and despair.
It's taken me a long time to (work towrds) realising that it's ok to not be ok sometimes.
You have a lot ot bear.
It's amazing how a year can turn on it's head with a succession of events. Mine certainly has, too.
I can empathises with your feelings about your poor parents. It's a terrible chapter in their story.
Hugs and strength,
x

mel @ loved said...

This is so sad, I'm sorry for your parents & your family. Take care, lady. Love to you..x

Becky said...

Thinking of you all today and wishing there was something I could do.

deux chiens et un garcon said...

So many emotion to deal with without your soldier close by.

Yes it is ok to be sad. And healing as well.

Strength to you and your family. Especially to your father.

Much love
Jill

The Handmaden said...

Phew. It's a tough time for you. Alzheimer's is not good for anyone involved.
Keep on keeping on, I think you have the right idea by trying not to take too much on.

Naturally Carol said...

Hi Posie..feeling sad with you right now..this news is incredibly heartbreaking. I am so glad your doctor brother is able to have them closer now.

Lib said...

Hello lovely Posie. I am crying for you as I type. Such a sad and awful thing to endure for you and your family. Lots of tender wishes from me.

Sarah@Dolls And Daydreams said...

So so sorry to hear your news .... a very big hug from me xxxx

Helen said...

wishing you the best

BarefootBride said...

As someone who has a dad with early-onset dementia, and has had it since his late 40's (he's now 62), I can only offer you my sympathy. I know what you are going through and offer up to you big hugs.

Sarah B said...

So sad for you and your parents. Alzheimers is an awful thing. Thinking of you xx

ally said...

Oh your poor, poor Dad - such a sad ending to a love story.
I'm glad they are near some family support - that is great for them - and you.
You have such a lot on your plate - take care Posie and look after yourself too
xxx

Leonie said...

Posie, sending you lots of love
xxx

Simone - honeyandfizz said...

Thinking of you Jennie, big hugs xx

by marie-nicole said...

Thank you for sharing this pain Jennie, I know you're not after sympathy but reading your post made my heart ache.

The last time I was in Shop Handmade I missed your presence (I did not realise that you are no longer working there I thought you were just on leave). I take my hat off to you for pulling back on trying to do 'everything' and focusing on what's most important to you and your family... I've been trying to do that lately too and have found it hard to swallow my pride and let go of one or two things that I know I really should let go of.

Love to you!
xx

clare's craftroom said...

No words , just the kindest wishes to you my friend xxxxxx

Taylor Made said...

So sorry to hear your sadness.... Hope this week goes smoothly and you find some more thinking time and a plan to ease your heart.

mummymadesigns said...

I follow your blog and i feel for you, 6 years ago i lost my 76 yold mum to alzheimers and my dad not long prior (prob due to a broken heart) Im sending you a big hug right now even though i don't know u i know what you have to deal with. I remember the day my mum looked at me and couldnt remember who i was BUT when i walked in to see her those beautiful blue eyes of hers always lit up at the word MUM..... Its a cruel thing but teaches us alot on the journey. Stay positive and remember the memories with your mum she will always remember snippets of things especially the good times and the love you share . x Cecily

Amy said...

Oh Jennie my heart is heavy for your right now. I know you don't want any sympathy, that just isn't in your nature but my thoughts are with you guys.

Sending strength and love your way

xx

Flying Blind... said...

Oh Jennie - virtual hugs all the way to you and your family xxxxxxxxxxx

The Creative Beast said...

=-(

That said, I'm glad you are allowing the sadness alongside the gratitude for the goodness that is still in your life Posie! Sadness for all that is taking place in your life is natural and keeping an open eye and heart for the goodness is a helpful remedy for the sadness =-)

Sending you luv and thoughts of strength and support!

rachelmp said...

Thinking of you x

Kellie @ Sasse Avenue said...

Hi Sweet Jennie,

I'm sending you and your Dad all my love and strength.

Kel x

Cherie @ 'a baby called Max' said...

Oh posie ...

It is ABSOLUTELY ok to be sad, & I just want to give you the biggest of virtual hugs. I'm a nurse, & worked in aged care for a very long time, & Alzheimer's, it's just the most cruel.

Your parents sound amazing, & I'm so happy she has that loving father of yours looking after her & loving her :)

Sending my love your way xx

Lizzie said...

Oh Jennie, I'm so sorry I know exactly how you feel! Mum said to Dad twice this week 'what's your name' and yesterday she didn't know who I was when I walked in. I walked out again, cried for 5 mins and went back inside. She greeted me like a long lost friend....
The hardest thing to do is watch her go away from us so slowly, one brain cell at a time....
My tears tonight will be for your Mum and mine..
Huge hugs..
Lizzie
xxx

Jo in TAS said...

Big HUgs to you Jenny
Jo
xxx

1000 Homes of Happiness said...

Oh sweet Posie, such sadness. Thinking of your family right now and your dear parents.

Wishing your handsome soldier was close by to comfort your sadness.

xoxox

Kellie.

jody said...

Oh Jennie, its good to be sad sometimes. I hope that writing it down and sharing somehow helps you process and makes you feel better.
sending love and hugs. xx

Jane said...

Oh Jennie. I am so sorry to read this. My heart goes out to you, my friend.

I watched my grandmother live with Alzheimers in a nursing home for 12 long and depressing years. My grandfather had died about 40 years before so my bachelor uncle (who still lived in the family home) visited her every day until she died, aged 96.

Sending you a hug Hobart ♥ tonight. J x

tinajo said...

I´m so sorry, I understand what you go through. My grandmother had Alzheimer’s and it especially took hard on my dad and her husband (my grandfather died when I was a baby so she eventually remarried).

My dad always was her baby and he couldn´t get over the fact that she didn´t understand who he was when he visited. It was pure pain for him - and for her husband. My mother and I could cope in another way, we just tried to make her days as easy as possible.

And recently, my other grandmother (mom´s mother) got it as well - which means she doesn´t recognize me. It´s harder to deal with now since I´m a grown up and have been close to her for a longer time (my other grandmother died when I was 17). It´s awful to hear the confusion in her voice when we talk, she tries so hard.

I would wish noone would have to live through this disease, but we don´t have a choice, do we? It is what it is and all we can do is to be as nice as possible and do what we can to make their days nice and comfortable.

But man how it sucks! :-(

Posie Patchwork said...

Thank you all so very much for your well wishes & personal stories of experience. It does truly life the sadness. Thank you with all my heart, i'm absolutely drained, love Posie

emma @ frog, goose and bear said...

Oh Jennie, Certainly is OK to be sad. Sounds like you are looking after yourself with easing the load a little this year, but it is still so tough. Thinking of you.

emma

polkadotpeticoat said...

Oh posie you have me in tears I was thinking I too was having a hard week.....but this is devastating....I'm so so sorry!

Jennie said...

Huge hugs to you Jennie.
What a difficult time for your Dad to cope with - and you. Much love from all of us.XXXJennie.

ingrid said...

dear posie, I am so sorry to hear about your mum.
Thinking of you
Ingrid
xoxo

Seana Smith said...

My wee boy came home one day from preschool and said to me: 'It's alright to be sad, Mum.' His teacher had been telling them this, and he put it so simply and clearly and now we often say it. Glad you can share this with your friends here.

I need to learn your lesson of stopping outside things to focus on the home, especially next year when second goes to high school and two start school.

Enjoy your holidays when they come, take it easy.

twirlingbetty said...

Oh Posie, so sorry to hear about your mum and dad. It is so very hard watching the people we love decline but even harder sometimes for the ones (like your dad) who have to nurse that decline. Hard to believe life can be so cruel sometimes. It sounds to me like you're doing an amazing job at keeping all of your nest (and yourself) on an even keel through a really tough time for everyone. I hope there are little patches of light that break through the darkness, for your dad especially, to give him that little extra bit of hope and strength. Sending love and hugs.

miss posy said...

Ohh Posie. I'm so very sorry. So much love for you and yours.

supermac said...

Dear Posie,
I have a former boss whose experience with her Mom who got sick of Alzheimer's made this disease very real to me. I can only hope that with each passing day, some miracle drug will be available to those suffering from this difficult disease. A big hug to you all the way from Manila.

Tey

The Moerks said...

With tears in my eyes I send you a very squeezy hug. If I was there we would have a chat then walk around the garden and pick a couple of spring flowers from your garden for you to pop on the bench in a jar or vase and smile at when you walk past them.

Sam said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your Mum's illness Posie, I can only imagine how hard this is for you and your family. Sounds like you have an awful lot on your plate at the moment. Sending kind thoughts your way xxSam

quiltmom said...

Hi Posie,
As someone who knows what it feels like when your beloved mother in law/ mum doesn't know you, I can only send you a cyber hug and wish that things were different for you and yours. My husband's mother lives more in another time and place than she does in this one. She has very limited language and lives in a care facility. I miss her wit,caring and intelligent comments on life. Most of all I miss her friendship. Having said that, I know it is even more difficult for my husband had his siblings. Perhaps one day they will find a cure for this difficult and destructive illness- one can only hope so.
May you find yourself surrounded by the love and support of good friends and other family members to ease the challenges.
Warmest regards,
Anna

Mama of 2 boys said...

Oh Posie, I'm so sorry to read this post and learn of yours and your family's pain. You are such a ray of light and positivity in the blogging world and it upsets me to think of you going through this tough period. Sending warm thoughts and hugs to you xo

My Beautiful World said...

My sweet friend I feel your sadness, you’re an inspirational Mother and wife and I admire the love you fill your life with everyday.

I know in my heart you will be the blessing your parents saw the first day they saw you, more now in their time of need no matter the distance between you all.

I’m a big believer that although we may sometimes forget, you live within the heart of those who love you always and that will never change for your mother even with Alzheimer’s!

Thinking of you my friend xoxo

Always Wendy

Anna Bartlett said...

Thank you for putting your real life into words. I've just come to read this post after reading No Big Dill's birth post (her first boy after 5 girls!) and I had tears in my eyes with both. Be sad. It is sad. Hugs from me.

Stacey said...

Oh Jennie. I've only just caught up on this post and I just want to say how terribly sorry I am.
My Nanna went through Alzheimers and I know the upset it caused my Dad when she didn't recognise him anymore.
Sending lots of hugs your way.
XXX

Tammi said...

I have no idea how I missed this post. So sorry to hear about your mum Jennie...my mum's dad had the same thing so I know exactly what you are all going through, it's so unfair.
Big hugs to you :)

x

The Provincial Homemaker said...

We just got back from holiday and I read your post. I am so sorry for you and your family. Very hard not to have your husband there at this time.

Hugs

Sarah

Anonymous said...

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