mother guilt - why it's a waste of time

Greetings all,
i've been pondering an angle on this topic for a while, i loathe the expression 'mother guilt' & i think it's a complete waste of time.  You do what you do as it's best for your family, so why feel guilty about that.  Who are you comparing yourself to & do you think they are judging you anyway??  No one knows your real, true, honest home life - if you're a working mother, or at home, or combination of both, whatever, it's each to their own.
Do your children suffer??  Just ask, they'll tell you & it might give you a chance to explain the situation so they understand better.  If you work you might miss an open classroom/ concert, if you're at home you might not be able to afford piano/ karate lessons - i'm sure they'll still grow up to achieve great things in life, regardless of the damage you might feel you're doing in the moment. 

My situation, we live a simple life so i can be a housewife (10 years & counting), i have the education & could work in well paid fields, but i LOVE being at home with the children, i'm the constant parent as my husband is away so often.  We have chosen Canberra schools & stability over moving to Brisbane with my husband for 3 years, that might sound insane & unimaginable, but my husband is going back to war, he can focus on training & he'll be away regardless of where we live.  I have been drawing an income from my design business for a decade & it's been a financial life saver.  I'm lucky i can fit it all in, i'm hyper organised & family comes first, especially with teenagers on the horizon.

On to mother guilt - wow, first up, i refuse to let my husband have father guilt as he is providing for our family & i won't bang on about servicemen, but his sense of responsibility is incredible.  I encouraged him to join the Army, everything we do it a joint decision.  He is a fantastic hands on husband & father when he's home, it's quality parenting, no guilt required. 

So based on my situation, because it's my blog . . . i'm a housewife, my children know if they forget sports gear/ homework/ show&tell/ assembly/ canteen/ concert/ carnivals/ excursions/ class craft/ reading/ sick bay - i'm willing, able & available to be there (& remind them about responsibility).  Sounds like i'm one dedicated mother right??  I used cloth nappies, breastfed, made organic food; taught them to swim, count & the alphabet; first steps, words, teeth, immunisations; i bake, grow vegetables, sew; i haven't missed a minute.  We've had zero hiccups with health, sibling rivalry, moving houses, bullying, academics - i talk to them, nurture them, listen to them, cuddle them, read to them, love them.  A+ parenting??  I thought i was pretty close, until this enlightening converstaion with my first born today . . . made me think 'perception is reality, but by GOD i'm going to adjust her reality for her'.  

Children have selective memories so go toss that guilt you're holding on to, they either don't care or won't remember what you missed or the effort you put in.  

My eldest daughter is off to her first high school swimming carnival, they apparently dress up.  I pulled a vintage T from my collection which is perfect for the 'theme' (considering she’s swimming, I thought it pointless to go in full costume) & she asked if she might get in trouble with the Tshirt effort.  I said, “I’ll be there if there are any issues”.  Well, cue the brewing-teenage-angst . . . “you’ve never come to a swimming carnival before”.  Sorry WHAT??  I have been to EVERY SINGLE athletics, cross country, concert, special assembly & swimming carnival EVER.  To me it’s the whole point of being a stay at home mother, you are available for every event, dress in team colours, pay your entry, sit in the seering heat or freezing cold, then leave with exhausted children wrapped in towels or blankets, times 4 children.  Alas, I’ve never seen our eldest swim at a carnival??!!

I volunteer/ marshall at these events & you follow the programme so you can watch your child race . . . she's forgotten that i've been there to cheer her on & hug her wet body when she finishes each race!!  Huh??  Last year as mother of the house captain i made pom poms & took balloons, i fended off buying junk food from the on site canteen for her friends & took home stray children for an impromtu sleepover - nup, all forgotten!!

FYI as i write this post she's at her *boy-friend's house, i sent her off with freshly squeezed orange juice & homemade cookie dough icecream, what a terrible mother!!  

So i'm going back to how i judge myself as a good mother - i always feel pretty superior & satisfied when we have a full fruit bowl.  That's my standard.  Love Posie
*I say boy-friend, he's a lovely boy from her primary school who she has always hung out with as her number one choice of friend on weekends, it's in that a-friend-who-is-a-boy way, 'tis all.